Want More Out Of Life?

Do you often wonder how to be more successful, have [tag-tec]better relationships[/tag-tec], or just get more of what you want out of life? Do you [tag-tec]want to be happier[/tag-tec] and have more peace of mind?

Thinking about these things, wanting them and not knowing how to actually get them can lead to high levels of stress and frustration. That’s the bad news, but don’t worry because there’s also good news. There are things you can do, steps you can take, that will help reduce your stress and lead you toward a much happier more peaceful life.

“The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself.” ~ Benjamin Franklin

What Are You Thinking about?

In order to clearly understand what is causing [tag-tec]stress[/tag-tec] in your life, you must begin by listening to yourself closely. Every thought that passes through your mind has an impact. Common thoughts such as, “How will I get this work done?” or “I don’t know how I will pay my bills this month.” or “What if someone I love becomes ill?” leave a mark as they pass through. That mark is evidenced by the stress you feel.

All of these stressful thoughts can be turned around so that you can focus on the positive. Instead of wondering, “How will I get this work done?” you could ask yourself, “How much work can I get accomplished today?” and then decide on a realistic answer. This sets you up to meet expectations, rather than fall short.

Imagine [tag-tec]worrying[/tag-tec] about what would happen if someone you love becomes ill. How would you feel? Now imagine focusing on spending a lot of quality time with the people you love. How would that feel? Most worries are focused on some future event you don’t want to happen or things you wish you could change about the past.

Worry Worry Who’s Got the Worry?

It’s unrealistic to think we’ll stop worrying altogether. But, constantly thinking those “what if” and “I should…” thoughts are truly harmful to your happiness. Worry causes stress, stress causes agitation, and agitation makes you worry more. It’s a downward spiral, and one that has major negative effects on your emotional, mental, and physical well-being.

Unless you can learn to break the worry cycle,  the discomfort, confusion, disappointment, and pain that are caused by your everyday unexamined thoughts will continue to be your day to day companion and keep you from feeling happy.

While it’s very normal for us to worry–with practice–that same worry cycle could be turned into a productive process. This process can propels us towards positive change and moves us to another level of happiness.

Take a good look at how you interact with the world. Take some time to reflect on how you face problems and tackle them. Does sitting around worrying ever seem to help your situation? Breaking the cycle is critical.

Breaking Free From Worry

Genuine happiness is only around the corner, but developing the skills and techniques to help reframe the negative and worrisome thoughts that detour your happiness is essential. Breaking free from worry and escaping the vicious cycle is possible, if you’re willing to stop, examine, and then revise your “what if” and “if only” thoughts. It’s like breaking any bad habit–it can be done, with a commitment and some practice.

Here you’ll find a three-step plan that can quickly turn things around and lead you toward a more rewarding, peaceful, and happy life:

Notice Feelings

The first step is to notice when you’re feeling uncomfortable in any way. Contrary to what you might think, your thoughts cause your feelings, but often times we think so many things–so quickly–that it’s challenging to notice individual thoughts.

This is why the very first thing to do is to begin noticing when you feel uncomfortable.  At this point your worry becomes a helpful friend. Worry inevitably makes us feel uneasy, this discomfort can be used as a warning bell to stop and discover what you’re thinking in that moment. Managing your worries and making changes can start by simply noticing how you’re feeling.

Flip It – “Don’t Want” into “Do Want”

Worry usually takes the form of what you don’t want. Now it’s time to figure out what you actually do want. When you find yourself thinking “How will I get this work done?” it’s time to discover what you do want at a core level that has you think that thought in the first place. When you examine this thought you might realize that you truly value productivity and what you do want is to be more effective and get things finished in a timely manner.

Now What? Take Action!

Once you’ve identified the essence of what you really want, don’t stop there, it’s now time to take action. Deciding what actions to take is the next step.

You’ve determined that what you do want is to be more effective and get things done in a timely manner. Remember, worrying about what will happen in the future or fear of repeating a past mistake is what keeps you stuck in the worry cycle. Stay in the present moment. And ask yourself; “What can I do in this moment to be more effective?” “What action can I take right now that will move you closer to getting something finished?”

Each and every small step you take moves you closer to what you do want .Once you get moving in this direction, you’ll find that the process takes on a power of its own, gently releasing you from the tight grip of stress and worry and pointing you in the direction of that peace and happiness you long for. Because, when you’re in action there just isn’t that much time to be worried.

Are you one of those people who take wonderful care of others and constantly puts your own needs at the bottom of the priority list? if so, do you really think you can continue taking care of anything very well–in your career or your relationships–if you don’t take care of your own needs?  Of course not! Here is a [tag-tec]natural stress relief tip[/tag-tec] you can start using today.

Unrealistic expectations
lead to ineffective action

Be mindful of getting too caught up in being constantly busy and constantly attending to the needs of others. You must take care of yourself-this includes sleeping well, eating properly, exercising, relaxing, and making sure that you have a comfortable balance between helping others and taking care of yourself.

If you have been neglecting yourself lately, now is the time to begin to make some changes that will bring you more peace, harmony, and some relief.

Identify at least one thing you can do to bring more of this peace and harmony into your life right now. Then continue this process by focusing your attention on other ways to keep peace and harmony in the forefront.

Slow it down

Once you slow down from the constant frenzy of a busy life, you will start to find yourself on the path to contentment.

People, like nails, lose their effectiveness when they lose direction and begin to bend.
~Walter Savage Landor

When we focus our attention on supporting ourselves, we grow. Personal growth allows us to enjoy a happy life, one that is filled with meaning and purpose. And, when we have direction we are more effective at everything we do.

Is Feeling Worried and Being Stressed-Out Tying You in Knots?

Do you lie awake at night, worrying? Does the stress of the day seem to weigh you down and control your mood, your decisions, and your life? If so, surely the amount of stress you deal with is taking its toll on you and those around you, keeping you from living the happy life you deserve. You can start to change this right now by determining the root causes of your stress. This is the first step in down the path to living a more relaxed peaceful life.

Root Cause = Fear of What’s to Come

Being afraid of what could happen in the future is a big stressor for a lot of people. You may be stressed over something as small as whether you remembered to set the timer on the coffee maker for the next morning or over an issue as important as whether peace will ever come to the Middle East.

“When I look back on all these worries I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.” ~Winston Churchill

Every time you stress over something that could possibly happen, or may never happen at all, you let future fear get the best of you. Here are a few red flag phrases you may hear in your head:

• “Do I have enough… savings to survive if I’m laid off at work?”

• “What if… she turns me down?”

• “Is that the right… doctor for my mother?”

• “How will… my children be affected by climate change?”

These thoughts may even be inhibiting your normal sleep pattern, which in turn will cause you more stress. You may soon find yourself in a worrisome cycle where lack of sleep feeds off existing stress, and new stress feeds off lack of sleep.

Root Cause = ‘Shoulda Coulda Woulda’

Another big stress provoker is concentrating on past mistakes. When you can’t forgive yourself for things that have happened in the past, you only fuel your stress.

• “I should have… studied more for that test.”

• “I could have… done something to help.”

• “I would have been… in a better position to pay for my kids’ college if only…”

Of course, a person may have some normal regret about things they would have like to have had happened differently in the past. But, beware of falling into a worry cycle.

How to tell if You’re Caught in the Worry Cycle

Worrying about the past or the future (or both) can throw you into a worry cycle, and thoughts like those above are what will keep you there; they are the underlying source of your stress. When you’re caught in the worry cycle, you quickly become susceptible to anxiety, depression, confusion, and sadness. Stress can overtake your life at this point and you may even become worried about your constant state of worry.
As we said before, it is perfectly normal to think about the future or wish you could take back or change some things in the past; however, it becomes unhealthy when you find yourself thinking about the same subject over and over, and when you feel so strongly about that subject that it affects your mood and even your relationships.
It’s very hard to be happy when you begin to fall into a worry cycle. So be aware that anytime you start to feel uncomfortable and find yourself thinking about something over and over again the cycle has probably begun.

Setting Yourself Free From the Worry Cycle

Just as with any pattern or habit, it will be difficult to break the worry cycle. This is because worrying has become familiar to you at this point and it probably starts without you even being aware you’re doing it. Fortunately, we have some effective strategies that will help you kick this stressful habit forever.

These next three steps will help you create a new habit that will diminish your stress levels almost immediately:

Step One: Be aware of your feelings. Our feelings are indicators of how well our actions are corresponding with what we value. When we feel stressed, scared, sad, or any other related feelings, our emotions signal to us that something we value is lacking in our lives. Learn what these signals feel like so you can correct the situation before you fall into a worry cycle.

Step Two: Find out what you value. In step one, you learned to be aware of your feelings so you’ll know when something you value is lacking. In order to correct the situation, you must know what that value is so you can satisfy it.

Step Three: Do something! You always have options for taking action in a situation. When you take an active role in the situation, you will feel more in control and you’ll have less time to stress.

Determining the root cause of your stress and following these simple steps will support you in taking back control of your mood, your decisions, and your life. Congratulations, you’re well on your way to living a more relaxed and peaceful life.

with love,
Beth and Neill

Feeling a little stressed out?

During the holidays it tends to get a little stressful, so we decided to relieve our stress by searching the Web for funny holiday videos. We found a few we thought were quite funny and wanted to share them with you. Enjoy!

Sierra Mist Holiday Hawk

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Not the kiss you’d expect under the mistletoe…

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Dutch couple on holiday (commercial)

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Christmas light music show… how do it know?

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Beware of the Doghouse- Hilarious and pathetic at the same time!

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Hope these videos brought a smile to your face and made your day a little lighter.

With love,
Beth and Neill

Here are some basic definitions of confidence:

a feeling of trust (in someone or something)
a state of confident hopefulness that events will be favorable
freedom from doubt; belief in yourself and your abilities

Confidence. Certainly it is something we’d all like to have, right? It can be compared to hiking along and coming to a deep, steep ravine. You are on one side and your destination–what you want–is on the other. You need a way to bridge the gap.

Imagine you have three options. You can choose to swing across using the rope that’s hanging there, use the rickety footbridge swaying in the breeze, or use a walking stick to help you scramble down into the ravine and up the other side. No matter which you choose in this analogy you’ll most likely get to the other side, but a strong sense of self-esteem, and confidence will surely be needed.

Two Important Steps that Lead to What You Want

Let’s say one of the ways you’ve chosen to achieve one of your important goals is by focusing on positive, supportive beliefs about yourself. That’s fabulous… But the next and often overlooked step in building self-confidence is bridging these beliefs with your values. In our Pathway to Personal Freedom eCourse, we talk about personal values in this way.

“Awareness of your personal values helps you avoid feeling confused, and avoid the stress that comes along with that confusion…

“We’ll make a rather bold assertion here that most of the distress people feel is a direct result of not being clear about what they most deeply value, and then behaving in ways that are contrary to these undiscovered values.

“We can’t emphasize this enough and will actually bring it up again and again: understanding your personal values and living in harmony with them is key to a life of healthy self-appreciation, good self-esteem, and a strong sense of self-confidence.”

Try It and Then Decide

Go to our website, and download our complimentary Values Exercise at http://www.focusedattention.com/store/thank-you/free_Values_Exercise_registration.htm

Once you have it, choose any area of your life you been working to improve–where you would like to feel more confident. Then do the Values Exercise.

When you’re finished and have your list of values, come up with at least two actions you can take to improve this area of your life that are in harmony with your values. Then set a specific time to have completed these actions.

After you’ve taken these actions, ask yourself: “Do I feel more confident about this area of my life?”

Remember, the shortest path to a happy life is found through conscious choice.

Until next week…
Beth and Neill