Is More Self Esteem Really the Issue?

Tag: Personal Growth,Self EsteemBeth and Neill

Am I Good Enough?

self-esteem contemplation

Are you concerned that you’re not really good enough to achieve what you want– that you don’t really deserve to be happy? if this sounds familiar, then the first step is to determine what prevents you from having high self-esteem in the first place.

We believe so many people have low self-esteem because most of us grown up in cultures that use rewards and punishment as a way to get us to behave the way others want us to. As we grow up in this system we end up developing certain beliefs about ourselves. As we focus on these beliefs, we have experiences that reinforce these limiting beliefs which in turn create negative habitual thinking patterns about ourselves.

It’s the same as when you want a new car, as soon as you pick the exact model you want you begin to notice that car everywhere.

It’s no different when you focus your attention on yourself. If you think there’s no way you’re good enough to get what you want, it’s guaranteed you’ll notice yourself not being good enough to get what you want again and again.

Experience the Difference

These negative beliefs you create about yourself, prevent you from having confidence in what you can achieve. They also dramatically limit the possibilities you have about what you can do and who you see yourself to be. As you become more and more conscious of these limiting beliefs, the sooner you’re able to create more of what you want in your life. This is how you raise self-esteem–by having experiences that prove you are competent and able to achieve what you set out to do.

Power Up Your Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem Today!

Today, start paying attention to what you’re thinking. Anytime you feel uncomfortable, Ask yourself the question: “What negative belief is preventing me from enjoying this moment?” if you find one… start focusing your attention on something you enjoy in the situation, even if it’s something small. Because what you focus your attention on will grow.

Our goal is to support you in creating a life you love. We know we’re not the only ones with great ideas or have found ways that might support you. For this reason, from time to time we introduce you to others and their posts that we’ve enjoyed and think you might as well.

Here are a few other people talking about self-esteem and what they’ve discovered. Enjoy!

With love,


The Problem With Building High Self Esteem – But the problem that we describe as “low self esteem” is actually a fear that we aren’t really worthy. It’s about feelings of low self worth. And that’s why we react so strongly and with such emotion. Healthy self esteem is the ability …

Living Passionately Radio Show – 09/04/08 Episode – 7 Steps to Rebuilding your Self-Esteem after Divorce – The reason for and the process of divorce is as varied as the shape of snowflakes. There is however a commonality among most divorce survivors – low self-esteem. …

How To Battle Low Self-Esteem – Voice blog post on

Building Confidence and Self Esteem in Children – Building Confidence and Self Esteem in Children There are two things that go hand in hand making who the person is today. These are confidence and self esteem. If the person is unaware of one’s potential or what he or she can become, …

The Number One Roadblock to High Self-Esteem

Tag: Personal Growth,Self EsteemBeth and Neill

Are your thoughts blocking your way?

Are you ever concerned that you’re not good enough or not smart enough, or that you simply don’t have what it takes to get what you want in life? Do you ever wonder why you feel this way or why these thoughts pop into your head as often as they do?

These thoughts are caused by what we call limiting beliefs and are the effect of how we interpreted unpleasant experiences from our past. Unfortunately, each limiting belief that we adopt throughout our lives becomes road blocks and keep us from achieving the results we want.

“There is only one cause of unhappiness: the false beliefs you have in your head, beliefs so widespread, so commonly held, that it never occurs to you to question them.”
~Anthony de Mello

Open road ahead

There is a way to use these limiting beliefs to your benefit. Turned them from road blocks that keep you from getting to where you want to go into warning lights that assure a safe and pleasant ride. You can do this by becoming aware of how you feel. The trick is to turn any feelings of discomfort into a flashing red light. When you feel uncomfortable in any way, stop what you’re doing and identify the thoughts in your head-these are your limiting beliefs.

Once you have identified these limiting beliefs, you will be able to uncover the truth that is buried within them-what’s most important to you or the thing you value that is missing from the situation. Once you start practicing this, you’ll begin to transform your actions from habitual to conscious.

And as we Always say… the shortest path to a happy life is found through conscious choice.

With love,

Start Seeing Yourself As Unstoppable with this Simple Self Help, Self Esteem Builder

Do you ever worry that you are not “good enough,” “not smart enough,” or just “don’t have what it takes,”? If so, you’re not alone. Many people have these thoughts. While it may be helpful to know that you are not alone, these thoughts can really interfere with your ability to achieve the things you want most out of life.

A recent report published by the Priory Group addressed the issue of low self esteem,  reporting that millions of British women are suffering from low self esteem that prevents them from having healthy relationships and reduces their overall quality of life. The report, titled, I’m Not Good Enough, surveyed the women on several issues and concluded that these problems are pervasive.

Have you ever seriously thought about your self esteem? Do any of the following statements ring true for you?

1.  I’m just not good enough to get what I want.

2.  At times I feel worthless.

3.  Other people don’t seem care about my needs.

4.  I’m often concerned about what other people might think of me.

5.  From time to time, I worry that there’s something wrong with me.

6.  It seems as though I’m all alone and I must do everything by myself..

7.  Thoughts such as I’m powerless, weak, not safe, helpless often pop into my mind

8.  At times feel like, I’m unlovable or unworthy.

9.  Sometimes in challenging situations, I don’t take care of myself very well.

10. My life is very limited, I have no choice.

If these are things that describe you or how you feel, then low self esteem is most likely limiting you in someway. Interpreting unpleasant experiences from our past often ends up making us think we are less worthy and less deserving of happiness. On the other hand, past circumstances aren’t the only way you might start believing statements such as those above.

For example, have you ever heard someone say something about you and you took it to mean that one of those statements must then be true about you? Now, just because someone says something about you doesn’t make it “THE TRUTH”, but the consequences of believing it is true can have a serious affect on your self-esteem.

On the other hand, self esteem doesn’t just miraculously improve when someone makes a positive statement about you either. Often it’s quite the opposite; many self esteem building experts now suggest we should back off from over-praising our children and making them feel good without having them put forth any effort or motivation.

The truth is, self esteem is not really the goal, it should be considered as more of a result of a person’s confidence in themselves, and knowing what they are capable of achieving. It is often described as a way to explain how well your actions produce results.

Can you learn to build self esteem? Yes, definitely. But only if you are able to transform the limiting beliefs that you hold, these are the things that are preventing you from developing enough competency to make you feel confident.

Before you can build self esteem you must take those limiting beliefs and transform them into new beliefs, ones that lead you to develop new skills or improve old ones. This is not as difficult as it seems. There’s a formula you can apply to help you work through the process, think of it as putting out a fire—the fire that has burned up your self esteem. You’ve most likely heard the phrase, “stop, drop and roll,” and this is what you need to do to build your self esteem.

How does this work? First, you must Stop and listen to the warnings you are hearing from yourself. Then, you need to Drop all judgments of yourself. Finally, you will Roll out a new plan to improve your beliefs.


Before you can make any changes, you need to identify how you feel. It is often easiest to start with feelings of discomfort—take these as the early warning signs. As soon as you begin to feel this way, immediately Stop and try to identify those judging thoughts that are running through your head. It can be helpful to actually write these thoughts down on paper.


Once identified, the judgments need to be quickly Dropped. This means you need to know what is truly important to you. When you figure out what you value–that has you make these judgments in the first place–you then shift your thinking from judgments to values and focus on them.

For example, ” I’m just not good enough to get what I want.” might change into focusing on how important accomplishment, or happiness are to you. Try these statements on for size, which feels better? ” I’m just not good enough to get what I want.” How does that feel? Now try this one, “I care so much about accomplishing things and being happy is very important.” How does that feel? Can you feel the difference?


Dropping judgments can put out those awful fires that have burned down your self esteem. After the fire is gone, get ready to Roll out a new plan, one that focuses on what is most important to you and one that focuses on your strengths. Plan to include two or more specific actions that will support you on your new path to improved your confidence and increased happiness. For instance, if you are looking to find more satisfaction in your career, perhaps your plan could include refreshing and updating your resume and pursuing some new job interviews.

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I Have a Choice? Use Your Remote Control and Change the Channel NOW!

How many do you have?

Have you ever counted how many remotes you have in your home? You probably have at least several, one for the television, the DVD player, the CD player, and even one for the garage door. Each remote is one that you probably can’t live without, each one having a specific purpose. You can perform powerful actions and make changes using each of these remotes.

A series of remotes piled on top and alongside...
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The one remote that’s more important than all others

What you may not have realized is that you also have something that works like a remote control for your brain. This remote is especially powerful, and allows you to change the way you think.

How much of your time do you spend on a negative talk station? Would you like to listen to a “different station” now and then? Well then it’s probably time to use your remote by choosing to listen to a station that broadcasts more positive messages, ones that give you support and encouragement, rather than judgment and negativity.

Stop listening to the messages that say, “I am not good enough, smart enough, good-looking enough “, “I can’t, I should have, I shouldn’t have,” and start tuning into the channel that tells you that you CAN do it, you are good enough, and you’ve done a great job.

“Affirmations are like prescriptions for certain aspects of yourself you want to change.” ~ Jerry Frankhauser

It’s time for a change

So don’t you think it’s time you use your built in remote to change the channel to a more positive station? How do you think you’d feel if you start to hear messages such as, “I am worthy,” and “I can get what I want from life.”?

When you choose to only tune in to the positive messages station, you will create the kind of [tag-tec]self help[tag-tec] strategies that you need to accomplish your dreams.

Anyone that has experienced the power of positive belief statements can attest to the changes that ensue when you use your internal remote to change that negative believe channel to a more positive one.

Allowing ourselves to focus on improving our self esteem and our self image can bring peace and harmony into our lives, along with a much more authentic happiness.

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Marriage Intimacy Begins With ____!

Of Course You want more Love and Intimacy in Your Relationship

We’re starting this post with the assumption that you want a satisfying and deeply [tag-tec]intimate relationship[/tag-tec] with your spouse or significant other. If so, then it’s important to remember that the most successful relationships start with people who love themselves. The sooner you start giving yourself the kind of love that you’d like to experience in your relationship, the more fulfilling and intimate your relationship will become.

But do you ever wonder what the phrases “self-love” or “loving yourself” really mean, or what they have to do with creating a deeper sense of [tag-tec]marriage intimacy[/tag-tec]? Even if you see the connection, do you wonder how to go about learning to truly love yourself?

Self Love Starts Here

Here’s the very first step: start noticing all the wonderful things about you! We know this might sounds simplistic, but you might be surprised how many people there are who, on a regular basis, simply ignore or don’t notice all the wonderful things about themselves.

“You must first love yourself before you can fully love another…” ~ Jennifer Good

How often do you stop and take the time to acknowledge yourself — to notice the things you enjoy about yourself? The best way to do this is to begin a practice of consciously focusing your attention on the wonderful things about you. Each morning make a conscious intention to notice and write down at least 10 things you enjoy about yourself during the day. When you go to bed at night, take time to review the list and appreciate yourself for these things.

Try It and Then Decide

This might sound a little silly, but when you start practicing this regularly you’ll be amazed how much better you feel about yourself, and how quickly loving yourself at a deeper level will follow. Once you feel this sense of self love and acceptance we guarantee it can’t help but stimulate more love, acceptance and intimacy in your relationship.

So now you know you know how to fill in the blank in the title of this post: Marriage Intimacy Begin With YOU.

So get out there and start consciously loving yourself–no one else can do this for you.

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