Are Your [tag-tech]Self-Help[/tag-tech], [tag-tech]Personal or Professional Goals[/tag-tech] Stuck in a Rut?

Have you ever done a [tag-tech]self help program[/tag-tech]–experienced that surge of inspiration in the beginning–then lost motivation for your initial [tag-tech]self help goal[/tag-tech]? If so, you may want rediscover the power of connecting with your [tag-tech]higher purpose[/tag-tech].

Many times we find ourselves so caught up in the circumstances of our life that it’s easy to focus solely on the problems at hand. We tend to approach life as a series of short-term goals designed take care of our most immediate needs. And while we may keep our long-range goals in mind in the process, the hustle and bustle of all of this activity can easily end up dragging us into an “in order to” rut.

In Order To. . .

• resolve a problem

• satisfy an immediate desire

• accomplish a short-term objective

• make progress toward a long-term objective

Is Too Much Activity Digging You into a [tag-tech]Motivation[/tag-tech] Rut?

While these are all great strategies “in order to” provide a certain level of progress and accomplishment, at the same time focusing so closely on the immediate circumstances of our life and the pressing goals we’ve set for ourselves can lead to sort of myopia. A nearsightedness that disconnects us from the deeper and more profound sense of calling and [tag-tech]purpose in our life[/tag-tech].

We can just as easily get into an “in order to” rut with our personal development work or our various self help programs.

The surest sign this happening is a loss of enthusiasm about what you’re doing. It’s especially hard to keep-on keeping-on in any sort of [tag-tech]self help[/tag-tech] regimen when you’ve started feeling a sense of apathy, boredom, and drudgery about doing the work.

What’s the Best Way to Get Out Of a “No Motivation” Rut?

If you find you’ve lost a sense of motivation in any area of your life, whether a self development course, or working toward one of your personal or professional goals, it’s time to take stock of how connected you are with your deeper sense of purpose in life.

For us, this usually involves getting reconnected with what we hold as most deeply valuable in life. This requires that we turn our attention again and again to the principles and aspirations that give us our deepest sense of [tag-tech]inspiration[/tag-tech].

A few years ago we turned our attention from doing live, in-person seminars to supporting a much larger community through the internet. As many of you may already know, creating success with any online business is no small feat.

Many times during our journey we’ve found ourselves needing to pay attention to our own [tag-tech]personal growth[/tag-tech] process. This has been the best way to support maintaining the focus we’ve needed to generate momentum in online business. Whenever we found our motivation diminishing it was vital for us to reconnect with the profoundly inspiring vision we have of helping support the creation of a world that works for everyone.

What Are You Most Passionate about Seeing Happen in the World?

Helping people learn how to turn their attention from suffering and toward creating more vitality, success, and happiness in their lives is one way that we express our own sense of higher purpose. This vision is a deep well of inspiration we are able to draw from whenever we need to replenish our [tag-tech]sense of motivation[/tag-tech].

In any moment that you are not connected to your sense of higher purpose–your commitment to contributing to something larger than yourself–it’s not surprising that you might find yourself lacking the motivation you need to carry on, whether it’s to complete some [tag-techg]self help program[/tag-tech] or attain any of your [tag-tech]personal or professional goals[/tag-tech].

So What’s the Short Version of This Message?

The best source of [tag-tech]self help motivation[/tag-tech] available for supporting your ability to keep-on keeping-on is to reconnect with living life in support of something inspiring–your higher purpose.

Until next time…

With great love and a commitment to your success,
Beth & Neill

Overcoming the Roadblocks on Your Way to [tag-tec]Success[/tag-tec]!

In part one of this post, and we talked about how the following cycle saps your motivation:

Limiting Beliefs -> Thoughts -> Actions -> Results -> Limiting Beliefs

We’ll pick up where we left off, explaining how you can discover the gifts offered by a painful past.

As young children we crafted each of our [tag-tec]limiting beliefs[/tag-tec] as an attempt to satisfy some need we had that was very important to us in that moment. Unfortunately, limiting beliefs are almost always geared toward the negative goals of protecting us from perceived danger or disappointment. And they are rather “poorly designed” in that they protect something that we value, but at the cost of other values of equal importance.

“Every small change at the root level of belief will produce amazing changes in behavior and performance.” ~ Harry Alder

Understanding Allows Conscious Interpretation and New Possibilities

The good news is that we can lean to use a limiting belief to discover all of the values we hold as deeply important to us. And knowing clearly what we value can provide us with our deepest sources of inspiration and [tag-tec]motivation[/tag-tec].

In this way, every limiting belief holds within it a new possibility of personal motivation waiting to be exposed. Here’s a simple process you can use to discover the limiting beliefs that my be sapping your energy. Using this process you can discover a wellspring of [tag-tec]self help motivation[/tag-tec] that lives deep within you.

The process begins by asking yourself these five questions:

1. What do you value that is lacking in the current situation–what’s missing?
2. What do I believe that is causing the absence of what I value?
3. What is the belief protecting me from?
4. What else do I value that this belief costs me?
5. What would I need to believe in order to experience everything I value?
   (My new, Empowering Belief.)

Answering this last question identifies a belief that will replace the old one. It is the compelling image of your future that draws you like a magnet to the life you want to create. It is the source of inspiration and motivation that will move you into action

Engineering Your Own Motivation

Let’s apply these questions to the following example. Let’s say you notice you’re feeling nervous about asking for a raise, so you STOP and answer the questions. Your answers may be:

1. Since I’m feeling nervous I may be missing a sense of self confidence.
2. A belief that may cause my lack of self confidence may be something like “I’m not good enough.” (How could you feel self confident with this belief?)
3. This belief may be protecting me from being disappointed.
   (You may have created this belief as a child when your parents did not pay as much attention to you as you hoped. The belief was designed to protect you from experiencing disappointment about not receiving the appreciation or recognition you want.)
4. The belief may prevent me from experiencing the disappointment of being turned down for a raise. But it also ensures that I will not receive the appreciation or recognition I want.
5. “I am worthy of appreciation and recognition. My sense of confidence and self worth does not depend on other people’s opinions.”

Once you’ve identified the new belief that better serves all of your needs, it’s time to start taking the actions that will help you experience the truth of this new belief. Identify specific actions you can take right away that will reinforce a new and empowering cycle:

Empowering Beliefs -> Thoughts -> Actions -> Results -> Empowering Beliefs.

Success Breeds Success

As often as possible, reinforce the cycle by creating your future from a compelling image of what success and happiness means to you. Your successes with the process will provide you with the motivation you need to continue reprogramming your limiting beliefs

Each time you practice this process, it will help you program an empowering new belief into your mind. As you continue identifying these new beliefs and the actions needed to experience them, you will develop fresh skills for navigating around whatever roadblocks may stand between you and your success.

If you’re ready to learn more down-to-earth tactics for creating the kind of self help motivation you want, please don’t leave without signing up for our weekly action tips series.  Use the sign-up box in the upper right corner of the page.

Until next time…

With great love and a commitment to your success,

Beth & Neill

Are You Hitting Roadblocks on the Way to Success?

How many roadblocks have you hit on your way to success and happiness? If you’re like most people, the number one obstacle is your own limiting beliefs. When you encounter these obstacles you have two choices, give up or find the [tag-tec]self help assistance and motivation[/tag-tec] you need to overcome them.

If you choose to seek support, then the question becomes, “What kind of limiting beliefs do I have that are preventing my [tag-tec]success and happiness[/tag-tec]?” The first step to answering this question is to begin paying attention to your thinking.

Do you ever hear yourself saying things–silently or out loud–such as: I’m not smart enough, good enough, or capable enough to achieve the results I want? If so, you’ll probably end up stuck in the following cycle:

Limiting Beliefs -> Thoughts -> Actions -> Results -> Limiting Beliefs

Thoughts such as these cause internal anxiety, anxiety creates stress, and stress causes fatigue. Stop and think about this. When you’re tired, do you have the energy to get out there and do what it takes to generate the results you want? For most of us the only thing this pattern creates is a sense of frustration and hopelessness. Hardly the kind of inspiration you need to break the cycle.

How Do You Create the Motivation Needed to Turn Limiting Beliefs Around?

To begin with, it’s useful to realize what creates this pattern. As children, it was likely we developed limiting beliefs each time we had an experience that we didn’t enjoy. The greater the degree of our displeasure, the greater the power of our limiting belief.

This happened because we took those experiences and made them mean something about ourselves and the world. Then we began repeatedly looking at our world through the filter of that meaning.

“To grow, you must be willing to let your present and future be totally unlike your past. Your history is not your destiny.” ~ Alan Cohen

Your Future Does Not Have to be Created from Your Past

Now that you have some idea how the process began, how do you create the [tag-tec]self help motivation[/tag-tec] you need to turn this pattern around? You begin by creating an image of your future that is more compelling than the image of your past.

To do this effectively you need to get to the core of your desire to create a successful life. What do success and happiness mean to you? What are the most important things you’d like to experience as the result of being successful? What will change about your experience of being you when you become successful? Clearly understanding your answers to these questions is the surest way out of living in the past and moving toward the future you truly want.

Discover the Gifts Offered by a [tag-tec]Painful Past[/tag-tec]

Looking toward your future can actually open you to the possibility of discovering the gifts offered by these painful beliefs from your past. It’s important to learn to recognize when they are influencing your thoughts and actions. Then you can begin to identify the nature of the belief and the needs it was designed to protect and serve when you created it.

From this moment on, every time something happens and you feel uncomfortable in any way, STOP–use these feelings as an alarm. Explore them to discover the limiting belief that is generating the feelings, and what the belief is attempting to offer you.

Being successful with this discovery process requires an ability to get to the root cause of your feelings. Bringing this information into the light of consciousness is necessary if you wish to connect with the important message your feelings are trying to communicate.

In our next post we’ll show you a step-by-step process for identifying your limiting beliefs, the gifts they offer you, and specific actions you can take to experience more of the success and happiness you want. Using this process will help you overcome whatever roadblocks may lie on your path and ensure that you never again lack the self help motivation you need.

Until next time…

With great love and a commitment to your success,
Beth & Neill

[tag-tec]Need Relationship Advice[/tag-tec]?

If you’re unhappy with any of your [tag-tec]relationships[/tag-tec], you’re probably placing some of the blame on the other person. At one level, it does make it easier to handle, when we don’t think it is entirely our fault if things are not how we would like them to be. But at the same time we are only prolonging our pain and suffering, because you are in control of your own peace and happiness.. It’s time to stop waiting for the other person to change.

You probably already realize that you cannot change other people, so stop trying. Now this is not to say you can’t request cooperation or negotiate agreements, what we’re saying is you must first begin with yourself. You are in control of creating the healthier, happier relationships you want.

It’s true. Changing relationships that are not going the way you would like them to is actually possible. Sometimes talking about problems helps resolve them, other times more drastic measures are called for. Whatever the problem, you probably already know that ignoring it is not going to help. Here are four steps that you can take to [tag-tec]improve your relationships[/tag-tec], even if you think you’ve already done all that you can.

One – Discover What Your Values Are

Before you can fix a troubled relationship, you must clearly identify what it is that you value for yourself. Think about exactly what you want to experience in your relationships. Maybe you value peaceful, harmonious relationships, ones that do not involve conflict or fighting. You might want to have more honest and satisfying relationships.

Values are not equivalent to strategies. You cannot establish harmony and peace in a relationship simply by eliminating conflict and fighting. You have to develop a strategy that will lead you to harmony—not just to avoid fighting.

Two – Decide What it is That You Truly Want from Your Relationships

When you are identifying your values and strategies, it’s critical that you focus on the positives of what you DO want, not what you DON’T want. These two things are not one and the same.

If you identify that you do not want your significant other to spend so much time with their friends, and then they decide to work more, this is not solving any of your relationship problems. Instead, identify a value such as connection or intimacy, and then focus your attention on developing strategies that work toward that value.

If you express things in terms of what you DON’T want, this does not clarify what you DO want. Instead of saying things in negative terms, express to your relationship partners what it is that you do want and look forward to from your relationship, and you will be more likely to get those things specifically. Only then will you see the real changes you hoped for.

Three – Take Time to Find Out What the Other Person Wants

So, you have successfully identified what it is that you want in your relationship. Now, it’s time to identify what it is that the other person wants. This is the only way you can truly create a shared vision for the relationship. Identifying what you each want makes it possible for all parties to be satisfied. By taking the initiative, you are demonstrating how much you care about the relationship, opening the other person to the possibility of wanting to make it better, too.

You can help the other person identify what they value in a few different ways. One is to ask them what they want in the relationship. This is not always the most effective method; however, because others may not know what’s most important to them. Another way is to observe their behaviors, and guess what the value that may be driving them to behave in certain ways. Remember, only guess strategy free values. You can use our free value sheet as a guide.

It is very likely that if you ask the other person what they want, they’ll tell you how they want you to change something. As discussed earlier, changing the other person is not the best way to make a relationship better. They just might not realize this yet. You can help get to their underlying values by doing a little digging on your own, and even telling them about the values that you have identified for yourself and how you learned to do that. Mutual satisfaction is the goal, and helping your relationship partner identify what they would like is one step you can take toward better relationship cooperation.

Four – Don’t Be too Hard on Yourself

Any relationship difficulty can leave a person feeling tremendous amounts of pain, self-doubt, or insecurity. Recognize these feelings in yourself, and remember that these uncomfortable feelings can be easily triggered by small things that happen.

When triggering events happen and you react in ways you don’t enjoy, remember to shift your focus of attention to what you are trying to accomplish. Keep in mind that you cannot change the past, and let yourself off the hook a little bit for things you may have done that you regret. Don’t assume that the past will predict the future. The future is the part you have the ability to change.

You need to avoid taking your own feelings personally, too. When you experience self-doubt, guilt, or insecurity, remember that everyone feels these things at some point. Identify the triggers that have you react rather than respond in a situation, and take the necessary steps to recharge yourself and get back to the positive place that you have worked so hard to develop.

It is important to be gentle with yourself during difficult times. Relationships can be very tricky, so give yourself some credit for attempting to make your relationships healthy and happier. Stay aligned with your values, and you will reap the rewards. We guarantee it!

Do You Know Any [tag-tec]Difficult People[/tag-tec]?

Is it challenging for you to stay calm and present in the face of [tag-tec]critical people[/tag-tec]–you know those people that have something to say and can’t say it without raising their voice and trying to convince you that you’ve done something wrong.

Would you like to have options other than cringing, heading for the hills, or yelling back to defend yourself? If so, there are two places to look whenever you find yourself reacting in these ways: In Here and Out There.

What’s Going on “In Here?”

The space between your ears is the first place to look whenever you start experiencing discomfort in any situation. It’s where you’ll find the beliefs that are at the root of the problems you think are happening “out there.”

Have you ever seen someone parasurfing–using a small parasail to pull themselves across the waves on their surfboard? Your thoughts are like the parasail in the wind, the wind and surf is what’s going on “out there.”

If you don’t know how to control the parasail, it’s unlikely that you’ll keep your balance, let alone control where you’re headed. And balance is critical if you want to gain control of yourself and the situation when someone is flipping out.

Falling – Then Catching Yourself – Then Falling – Then. . .

Imagine standing on the surfboard, perfectly balanced, with no force being applied to you, the surfboard or the parasail. Very Zen-like, but you’re not going anywhere are you?

The fun starts when the wind catches the parasail and you feel the drag of the water under the board. In that instance you’re falling forward–and unless you regain your balance quickly, you’re headed for a wipe out.

But then the wind shifts, the waves rise and you’re starting to fall again, and then you regain your balance, and then you’re falling, and then. . .

Keeping Your Balance

To maintain your emotional balance in the face of strong criticism, two things are essential. First, you need to recognize the moment that you start feeling discomfort of any sort. Second, you need to have the skills necessary to regain your emotional balance in a split second.

The first part–recognizing the moment you start feeling discomfort–is actually harder than it may sound.

In studies to prevent police violence, when officers were questioned closely, they recognized that there were typically five verbal exchanges that preceded violence.

Yet these highly trained individuals weren’t even conscious of these exchanges until they were probed. Once they recognized this they saw that the violence may have been avoided if any one of these exchanges had been handled a little bit differently.

Like these officers, you have an emotional guidance system that is highly tuned to alert you to the first moment that things are getting out of balance. And your emotions are much like the control lines on the parasail.

It’s by learning to accurately respond to the way you feel–the lines–that you gain control of your thinking–the parasail. This is how you keep your balance and control the direction the situation is heading.

Controlling What’s Happening Out There

Unfortunately, very few of us are trained how to use our emotional guidance system, how it relates to our thinking, or how emotions and thinking control our behavior.

It seems most of us grow up believing that we’re being dragged through life–into and out of one situation after another–helpless to do anything but hang on and hope for the best.

Or even worse: we’ve been misguided about what the control lines are and how to use them to control the parasail. Instead, we’ve learned that being “emotional” is a “bad thing,” “the best defense is a good offence,” “it’s a dog-eat-dog world,” and countless other beliefs that teach us to react rather than respond.

This leads us back to the second part–having the skills you need to regain your emotional balance in a split second. This is essentially the same as learning to control the parasail in the wind. It’s learning to consciously choose the beliefs that govern your thoughts, which often requires you to un-learn prior beliefs.

This is the process of developing what we call your Values Intelligence–your ability to know and apply what you value, regardless of your circumstance.

Without these skills–like the police officers we mentioned–it is unlikely you’ll recognize when things are going wrong, or be able to respond soon enough to prevent minor upsets from escalating into serious problems.

If you’d like to learn more about how you can develop your Values Intelligence take a look at our article: https://newageselfhelp.com/main/settling-for-less-than-you-really-want-create-the-life-and-relationships-you-desire-now

And if your ready to do whatever it takes to stop melting down, clamming up, or flipping out, then enroll in The Art of Conscious Connection Online eCourse. It’s specifically designed to give you the In Here skills you need to start gaining more control over the direction of what’s happening Out There.