What is the number one factor that causes a business to succeed or fail?

This common question has been asked by many people. From corporate giants to first-time business owners. And over and over again the number one answer is–people- the people that work there, and the people you do business with. If this is so, then how do you [tag-tec] improve your business[/tag-tec]?

[tag-tec]Improve Your Relationships[/tag-tec].

[tag-tec]The key to improving your relationships with your employees and your customers[/tag-tec] is communication– first, improving the communication with yourself which is what we will discuss in this post and then, improving the communication with your employees, coworkers, and customers, but we’ll leave that part for another post.

Before you can communicate effectively to your employees or customers, you must have a clear, focused intention. This internal communication is what you’ve told yourself about why you’re talking to the other person? What’s important to you about giving this feedback? Why are speaking to this customer? Your employees and customers will sense your intention, whatever it is.

“Leadership is practiced not so much in words as in attitude and in actions.” ~ Harold Geneen

If your intention is to create an environment of clarity, effectiveness, learning and support, how do you think your employee will respond to this intention? If your intention is to create loyal long-term satisfied customers, how do you think your customers will respond. Can you see how a clear, focused intention is easy to convey and hard to resist?

A clear intention encourages open, well-defined, straightforward communication; which, in turn, produces a powerful framework for creating long-term satisfying relationships.

What’s your intention?

Try it out … Any time you’re going to speak with someone at work, first create a clear, focused intention. Ask yourself: “What’s most important to me, about having this conversation, what do I want to create as the outcome?”  Keep your intention in mind as you’re having the conversation and watch your relationships blossom.

until next time… keep a conscious
Beth

Stop This, Stop That, I Don’t Think so

Do you prefer keeping your attitude positive? Are you sometimes annoyed or uncomfortable when people start complaining to you? We’ve been asked: ” Is it possible to stop reacting and keep a positive attitude when people around me complain and want me to join in?”

Our favorite answer to this question is: “Give up the hope that you will ever stop reacting”. We let them know that stopping is impossible. This is because you can only start doing something else. The first step to enjoy what’s going on around you is to decide what you “do want” and start doing that instead.

All men have a sweetness in their life. That is what helps them go on. It is towards that they turn when they feel too worn out.”

~ Albert Camus

Knowing what you ” do want ” is the only way you can get it. Check it out for yourself. Today, Every time you hear yourself saying: “I want to stop…” or “I don’t want…” ask yourself: “What ” do ” I want in this situation, or with this person?”

We believe the shortest path to a happy life is found through conscious choice and each time you can bring something up from the subconscious into the conscious you’re on your way to creating a life you truly want.

Black and White Relationship Skills

No, I’m not talking about ethnicity, I’m talking about simplicity. Whenever I’m looking to improve the quality of a relationship, be more productive, or get through my next AFGO, Occam’s razor always seems to apply. “All other things being equal, the simplest solution is the best.”

In this case, I’m talking about the simplest way to interpret what I’m working on. So, for example let’s say, as is so often the case, I’m working on my ability to hear what other people say in ways that are more enjoyable, more accurate, and produce more of the results that we both want.

Does that sound like something you’d like?

I’ve learned that of the simplest possible ways to hear what people are saying is to figure out if they’re saying “I need” or “I’m grateful.” Put it another way, whenever I can remember, I try to hear whatever people say as either “please” or “thank you.”

Is it Please or Thank You?

Sometimes it’s easy to tell which is which: “Would you take the trash out before we leave?” “That was a great dinner!”

It’s pretty obvious which of these is please and which is thank you. It seems much more challenging if we hear someone blaming, criticizing, or excuse making, using statements like:

• “Idiot! Don’t you know how to drive!”
• “Why are you wasting time on that?”
• “You never keep your promises!”
• “It’s not my fault that …”
• “I forgot to …”

Again, it’s obvious that these are definitely not “thank you,” so they must be “please.” Unfortunately, they are please said in a suicidal way. Suicidal because saying please in these ways is likely to kill the possibility of getting the underlying needs met.

1. Have Need …  2. Take Aim at Foot …  3. Pull Trigger!

The sad thing is, it seems the more important, urgent, or critical the need is, the more likely people will express it in these suicidal ways. Ways that are likely to trigger the heck out of the people they are actually saying please to.

Most reality TV shows are a great place to watch this in action and to practice identifying which times people are saying please and which times they are saying thank you. Whether you use a reality TV show, or your personal relationships for practice, notice how the more hurt and more angry a person is, the more likely they are to express please in the form of blame, criticism, judgment, excuses, etc.

Kind of sad isn’t it?

What’s the Point of Hearing Please or Thank You?

How does hearing please or thank you help me have conversations that are more enjoyable, more accurate, and produce more of the results that we both want? It helps me remember that any form of blame, criticism, judgment, or excuse is the other person expressing a need. And that the more hurt or angry a person sounds the more desperate they are for help, and scared that the need won’t be met.

And if I’m able to hear a person desperately wanting help with their need, I’m much less likely to be triggered by the suicidal way they’re saying please, and much more likely to find in me the compassion to hear their need and to offer my help.

And giving with joy is the most fun game I’ve found to play so far in my life.

What Happens if You Try Hearing Everything as Please or Thank You?

I’d be interested in hearing what you think about listening to people this way. Even more interested in hearing about your experience if you try it.

It occurs to me that some of you might be wondering which bucket you’d put “yes” and “no” in. You might be surprised to hear that I never hear people say “no.” But that’s a different blog post. :~)

Until then …

Committed to Your Success,

Neill Gibson

Supporting Your Continued Growth!

Yesterday I posted the first five out of 10 Personal growth questions that have made a difference in my life. Here is part two, the next five questions out of 10. I hope they support you as much as they have supported me.

6. What motivates me?

Motivation is what gets us in action, action is what creates results. Ask the question, what motivates me? Then observe your life. When you accomplish something, identify what is that motivated you to accomplish it. Watch when you get excited, what are you feeling excited about, that’s motivation. If you discover the answer to this question you are well on your way to creating a life you love.

7. What do I value most?

Your values are the essence of who you are. Getting clear about them and living them is a guaranteed way to be the fullest most authentic expression of yourself.

8. What do I really want?

Yes I know this question might seem trite, but how many times do you actually stop and ask yourself this question and then really listen to the answers. The funny thing is, in each moment this question can generate completely different answers.

So, start asking this question, stop and really listen to the answer, and then identify small step towards getting it. You are worth it.

9. What do I appreciate most about myself?

This question is essential for creating a life you love. It’s very challenging to love your life when you can’t identify anything you appreciate about yourself. And I’m convinced the only reason that you couldn’t find things you appreciate about yourself is you haven’t had enough practice. So start practicing today!

10. What am I grateful for?

If you want to live your best possible life, if you want to be all that you can be, or if you just want to be happier in any moment, asked this question as often as you can remember. When you’re in the process of being grateful you can’t help but feeling good.

Why ask questions?

Questioning myself is the easiest way I have found to find truth in my life. This is because we are the only ones that can say what is true for us. So ask questions and never stop asking. Listen to the answers and trust they are true for you. Then start taking actions that move you closer and closer to your truth. This process will guarantee your continued growth into the fullest most authentic expression of you.

Prepare to Grow!

You’ve probably heard the saying, “Be All You Can Be”. The Army may not be the place you want to Be All You Can Be, but for most of us, we truly want to grow into the fullest most authentic expression of ourselves. The question then becomes, how– how do I get to the point of being all that I can be? I mostly see myself as truly content with my life– happy with the way things are going, but I also know that I’m far from Buddha and I’m sure that my life can be more wonderful than it is in any given moment.

Do you seek personal growth and spiritual development skills that would bring more meaning to your life– something a bit more important than your day-to-day activities?

I don’t know about you, but when I get entrenched in the details of my life it seems challenging to step back and ask: “Am I being all that I can be?. For this reason I’m always looking for ways to interrupt the day-to-day routine and create more of what I want in life. They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks… or can you?

Here Are 5 Of The 10 Questions I Came Up With To Help This Old Dog Be All She Can Be.

1. Am I happy in this moment?

Anytime is a great time to ask this question, because each moment added up becomes your life! Check in as often as you can remember.

If the answer is yes, celebrate! But if the answer is no, find something in that moment will make you happier than you are right then.

2. Am I comfortable with the direction my life is headed?

The one thing you can count on in life is change. Because our lives are always shifting and changing it’s important to stay conscious about the direction it’s going. Check in with yourself. Ask, am I comfortable with this course my life is taking. Remember, its never too late to adjust course. Every small adjustment is a conscious choice in creating a life you want– instead of the life that just happens to you.

3. Is there anything about me, that if changed, would dramatically enhance my life?

This is the kind of question that many of us might have trouble with. Guilt, sadness, or regret might come up in the process of asking yourself this kind of question. But just like I said before, change is inevitable and if were lucky in the process of our own personal changes we consciously choose what would enhance our lives.

So every once in awhile take an honest self inventory of your habitual behaviors and choices. Try not to beat yourself up if you find things you would like change. Then get very clear about how you want to be instead and start practicing.

4. What do I believe is possible for my life?

It has been said, that we can only have what we believe is possible. Check-in, this question will give you amazing insights on what is in your way of you getting what you want.

5. What’s most important to me?

Unless you know what’s important to you, it’s almost impossible to get it. Make a list and make sure you spend some time focusing in each of these areas of your life.

Yes You Can Teach An Old Dog New Tricks

These may seem like simple questions, but the answers can be profound. Asking them, listening to the answers and taking action, has helped this puppy to be all that she can be.

Spend some time asking yourself these questions. Be with them, write down what occurs to you. Next right down any actions you want to take in relation to the answers you came up with.

click here for Part Two–the next 5 of 10 Personal Growth Questions That Make a Difference.

until next then.

live, love and laugh,

Beth