Who’s Responsible for Your Life?

Does it sometimes seem like you’re trapped in your present circumstances and you have no control? Would you like to be able to make clear decisions and know you’re in complete control of your destiny?

True personal and [tag-tec]emotional freedom[/tag-tec] can only be found when you learn to “respond” rather than “react” to situations in your life. Making sound decisions and having control of your destiny are dependent on your ability to respond to situations in ways that are in harmony with your [tag-tec]core values[/tag-tec]. We call this skill “response-ability.”

This is in sharp contrast to simply reacting to what happens in your life. We define reacting as re-enacting old patterns of unconscious behaviors over and over again.

“You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of.” ~ Jim Rohn

Once you are able to identify the things that are important to you and live in harmony with what you value, you become response-able. This ability to respond opens you to a whole new world of options and solutions that will bring much more joy and satisfaction into your life.

Choosing Response-ability

It’s important to realize that you CAN make choices that affect how your life plays out. When you understand that you have the freedom to create your own reality, you give yourself the power of responsibility.

This week, identify one thing you can do in relation to this awareness and take action. If you need support figuring out what actions you can take, click the link below.

Remember, the shortest path to a happy life is found through conscious choice.

With love,
Beth and Neill

To find out how you can create true personal freedom in your life, enroll in our

Pathway to Personal Freedom eMail eCourse

Got Intimacy?

Many couples are under the impression that [tag-tec]marriage intimacy[/tag-tec] should come easily to them. They think of intimacy as a part of a relationship that you either have or you don’t have. They assume that once the intimacy is gone, there’s no going back. The truth though, is that there are ways for couples to work together to bring the intimacy back. This can lead to better communication, more romance and a better quality of love overall.

For most couples, the first step to getting the marriage intimacy back is to stop working against one another. Many couples think that they’re working together to solve their problems, but in reality they’re working with a ‘me first’ attitude.

Instead of thinking, “What do we need to make our marriage better,” they think, “What do I need to make my marriage better.”

Shared Commitment

The key to starting to work together, is to stop thinking of the marriage as, “My marriage,” and what do I need, and start thinking of it as, “Our marriage” and what do we need. This might seem like a simple concept, but setting the tone not just for your marriage but for your relationship is important. The way you think about your marriage, and the way you talk about it, can have a deep impact on your level of marriage intimacy.

For example, consider your favorite scene from your favorite movie. Picture the scene in your mind and pay attention to the dialogue, setting and action in the screen. Now take a moment and consider the music that’s being played. When you pictured your favorite scene, you probably didn’t even think of the music playing. Yet the scene wouldn’t be the same without it. Music works quietly in the background to set the tone and without it, the movie would not have the same feeling, or illicit the same emotions in you.

The same concept is true when you consider the way you communicate within your marriage. If you go into [tag-tec]working on your marriage[/tag-tec] and start by simply adjusting the way you talk about it, and the way you think about your relationship, it can set the tone for your marriage that will make it easier for you and your spouse to get on the same page. Like music in the background, you might not always be aware of it, but it has the power to significantly sway your feelings for one another.

Express the “do want”

In addition to simply changing the words you used from “my” to “our” to encourage a sense of shared commitment, find ways to discuss your marriage and your needs in a more positive way. For example, if you feel that your spouse spends too much time with their friends, instead of saying, “You spend too much time with your friends,” say something like, “I would love for us to spend more time together doing the things we enjoy.”

While your initial issue might be the time your spouse is spending with friends, the underlying problem is that you want them to spend more time with you, and to appreciate the time you spend together. Focus on using self responsible language to express to your partner what you want to get out of your relationship and how you’d like to see your [tag-tec]marriage improved[/tag-tec].

Following these two simple suggestions can [tag-tec]improve your relationship[/tag-tec] with your spouse almost immediately. Try it out for yourself–you’ll find that improving your marriage intimacy is easier than you may have thought.

This blog post was inspired by a question we receive from our community.

Finding the Path to [tag-tech]Forgiveness[/tag-tech] after a [tag-tech]Tragedy[/tag-tech] Caused by a Family Member

[tag-tech]Grief recovery and forgiveness[/tag-tech] can be a terribly sensitive and complicated subject. We don’t claim to be experts (or anything close) in this area, but we have found in our experience working with people that. . .

You can’t drag someone down the [tag-tech]path to forgiveness[/tag-tech]. Your family member will start down this path when they recognize that arriving at the destination is accomplished for their own sake, not for the one being [tag-tech]forgiven[/tag-tech].

Your family member will not be ready to actively participate in resolving the source of their [tag-tech]negative emotions[/tag-tech] toward the person who caused the tragic event, until the they understand the impact that these feelings have on their own happiness and well-being.

And, not until they fully understand the important messages that these [tag-tech]negative emotions[/tag-tech] are trying to give them will they understand the impact that leaving this situation unresolved is having on their lives, nor will they recognize the actions they can take to resolve it.

Use the Power of [tag-tech]Compassionate Listening[/tag-tech]

If you wish to help one family member in the process of [tag-tech]grieving, forgiveness, and recovery[/tag-tech] toward the one responsible for a tragic event; we suggest the most powerful thing you can do it is to listen to their pain. Listen completely, openly, and without judgment or agenda. Listen so carefully that you understand the important message their [tag-tech]negative emotions[/tag-tech] are trying to offer to them. Listen so accurately that you can reflect this important message back to them in a way they too can understand–completely, openly, and without judgment or agenda.

The negative emotions they feel toward the other family member are the result of focusing their attention on the negative details and impacts of this tragic event. But like all emotions, when carefully explored they always lead to an understanding of what is most important or valuable for the person to experience next–in this case, how to recover what they have temporarily lost.

We are confident that when your family member clearly understands the valuable aspects of their life that seem to have been taken by this event, that understanding can be the first step on the path to recognizing what they need to do to begin experiencing those things again–and even more.

Other Posts that May Help with this Process

https://newageselfhelp.com/main/communication-across-differences

https://newageselfhelp.com/main/your-crucial-conversation-checklist

https://newageselfhelp.com/main/dealing-with-difficult-people-now-learn-to-handled-them-in-a-constructively-way

https://newageselfhelp.com/main/communication-skills-are-not-just-about-talking

Get Support from [tag-tech]Grief and Forgiveness[/tag-tech] Pros

If your pain about your family member’s pain is so great that it prevents you from listening with this degree of objectivity and compassion, we suggest that you find someone with the empathy skills who can.

We recommend that you begin your search by investigating grief recovery, counseling, or support groups in the communities where your family member lives. Such help can be found from organizations online such as: http://www.griefshare.org/ and http://www.caringinfo.org/GrievingALoss/GriefSupport/FindingHelpForYourselfOrALovedOne.htm.

To find others, Google this exact string: +Grief +Forgiveness +Support +Groups

For results specific to your location, you can then add “your city” in quotes at the end and click search again. Often, the local community resources you’ll find are free.

If you are trying to help your family find the forgiveness necessary to [tag-tech]recover from a tragedy[/tag-tech], we hope that, at least in some small way, you can find value in these words.

We honor your intention and wish you all the best in re-creating wholeness, love, and hope in your family.

Are Your [tag-tech]Self-Help[/tag-tech], [tag-tech]Personal or Professional Goals[/tag-tech] Stuck in a Rut?

Have you ever done a [tag-tech]self help program[/tag-tech]–experienced that surge of inspiration in the beginning–then lost motivation for your initial [tag-tech]self help goal[/tag-tech]? If so, you may want rediscover the power of connecting with your [tag-tech]higher purpose[/tag-tech].

Many times we find ourselves so caught up in the circumstances of our life that it’s easy to focus solely on the problems at hand. We tend to approach life as a series of short-term goals designed take care of our most immediate needs. And while we may keep our long-range goals in mind in the process, the hustle and bustle of all of this activity can easily end up dragging us into an “in order to” rut.

In Order To. . .

• resolve a problem

• satisfy an immediate desire

• accomplish a short-term objective

• make progress toward a long-term objective

Is Too Much Activity Digging You into a [tag-tech]Motivation[/tag-tech] Rut?

While these are all great strategies “in order to” provide a certain level of progress and accomplishment, at the same time focusing so closely on the immediate circumstances of our life and the pressing goals we’ve set for ourselves can lead to sort of myopia. A nearsightedness that disconnects us from the deeper and more profound sense of calling and [tag-tech]purpose in our life[/tag-tech].

We can just as easily get into an “in order to” rut with our personal development work or our various self help programs.

The surest sign this happening is a loss of enthusiasm about what you’re doing. It’s especially hard to keep-on keeping-on in any sort of [tag-tech]self help[/tag-tech] regimen when you’ve started feeling a sense of apathy, boredom, and drudgery about doing the work.

What’s the Best Way to Get Out Of a “No Motivation” Rut?

If you find you’ve lost a sense of motivation in any area of your life, whether a self development course, or working toward one of your personal or professional goals, it’s time to take stock of how connected you are with your deeper sense of purpose in life.

For us, this usually involves getting reconnected with what we hold as most deeply valuable in life. This requires that we turn our attention again and again to the principles and aspirations that give us our deepest sense of [tag-tech]inspiration[/tag-tech].

A few years ago we turned our attention from doing live, in-person seminars to supporting a much larger community through the internet. As many of you may already know, creating success with any online business is no small feat.

Many times during our journey we’ve found ourselves needing to pay attention to our own [tag-tech]personal growth[/tag-tech] process. This has been the best way to support maintaining the focus we’ve needed to generate momentum in online business. Whenever we found our motivation diminishing it was vital for us to reconnect with the profoundly inspiring vision we have of helping support the creation of a world that works for everyone.

What Are You Most Passionate about Seeing Happen in the World?

Helping people learn how to turn their attention from suffering and toward creating more vitality, success, and happiness in their lives is one way that we express our own sense of higher purpose. This vision is a deep well of inspiration we are able to draw from whenever we need to replenish our [tag-tech]sense of motivation[/tag-tech].

In any moment that you are not connected to your sense of higher purpose–your commitment to contributing to something larger than yourself–it’s not surprising that you might find yourself lacking the motivation you need to carry on, whether it’s to complete some [tag-techg]self help program[/tag-tech] or attain any of your [tag-tech]personal or professional goals[/tag-tech].

So What’s the Short Version of This Message?

The best source of [tag-tech]self help motivation[/tag-tech] available for supporting your ability to keep-on keeping-on is to reconnect with living life in support of something inspiring–your higher purpose.

Until next time…

With great love and a commitment to your success,
Beth & Neill