[tag-tec]Happiness [/tag-tec]Is Within Your Reach
Do you want to be happier than you are at this moment? If so, Have you spent any time thinking about what exactly it is that prevents you from [tag-tec]being truly happy[/tag-tec]? Don’t wait any longer, true happiness is only two conscious steps away.
Too many people count on others when they are pursuing happiness. We often expect that others will be the ones to make us happy, but, really, it is something we have to create ourselves. Instead of thinking that others should be nicer, more generous, more sensitive, or more whatever, we need to realize that the choice is our own if we want to be happy. Stop trying to change other people, and start making the only changes that will–in reality–make you happy.
You can have [tag-tec]happiness in any relationship[/tag-tec]; the key is in your hands
When you spend your time and energy trying to fix other people, you actually cause additional problems and end up becoming less happy. More often than not the person you are trying to change becomes irritated, and gets defensive about you attempt to “fix” something about them. Then you are left feeling aggravated, out of control, powerless and more unhappy than before.
This is because most of us think that in order for us to ever really [tag-tec]be happy[/tag-tec], someone else has to change. It’s Not True. The truth is, how you interpret what the other person says or does is the most beneficial thing to start changing.
Remember that what you focus your attention on grows. When you focus on how unhappy someone else is making you, you will essentially become more and more aware of how unhappy you are. It will become the thing that you notice most in your life.
As an example, do you live with someone that come home and scatter all of their belongings-their shoes, coat, keys, books, etc.-in a trail of debris throughout the house marking their course behind them? This most likely would be incredibly irritating to most people. If this sounds familiar, it probably leads you to constantly ask, “Why don’t you pick up after yourself?” You might end up spending a lot of time focusing on this problem. This causes you to notice every little thing that is left lying around and the problem just becomes even more irritating.
Don’t try to teach a pig to sing – it’s a waste of time and annoys the pig
Have you noticed that the constant nagging and reminders doesn’t actually lead to having them pick up their stuff? They still do it, day after day. Nothing changes except for your level of irritation-which grows. You are headed in the wrong direction-not toward happiness, that’s for sure.
To the person you live with, you just sound like a nag. They stop caring about the nagging and often end up completely ignoring you. The trail of litter still doesn’t get picked up. And you focus more and more on it.
What’s the secret to changing this pattern and becoming happier?
- Step one is to reinterpret the situation.
- Step two is developing the ability to focus your attention on what you enjoy.
These two steps are the fastest and easiest way to get yourself on the path to true happiness in your life.
For instance, if the person you live with comes home and spreads their belongings around the house, ask yourself the question: “what might be so important to this person that they would leave their stuff just lying around the house?”
You might guess that they just want things to be easy or have the freedom to do what they want–not being told what to do could be very important to them. Then try to begin and end each day reminding yourself of what you DO enjoy about your life with this person. Take some time to focus your attention on the happiness that you do already enjoy, and change your focus-away from the problems.
Perhaps thinking of it as an emotional “bank account” is a good analogy. If you take each of your thoughts and make a deposit into your emotional “bank account,” then what you deposit will grow. Now, if you are consistently depositing negative thoughts and feelings, then these will grow. But, if you are depositing positive and happy thoughts, and reminders of the things you enjoy and that make you happy, then these things will grow.
Create a bank full of thankful
Take some time to notice the things that make you happy. Focus on the happiness that you can find in each moment. Then, if you remember to focus your attention on that happiness, it grows-if we go back to the bank account analogy, think of it as “compound interest.” Instead of assuming that the slobs you live with don’t care about you, put yourself in their place and ask yourself what might be going on with them and then be thankful for the little things that they DO bring to your life. Perhaps a smile, your child’s laugh, enjoying a meal together, or even shopping (for the things that will be later left on the floor) can be things that make you happy.
Reminding yourself to be grateful for the little things can make a huge difference in your life. Deposit happy, positive thoughts into your emotional bank account and watch your happiness grow. Discovering authentic happiness is truly up to you, it is a choice that you can make. Start focusing on saving up your happiness and you will have happiness now.
Stop Stopping
