This Weeks Relationship Advice Tidbit

Are you enjoying all your relationships? How would you like some relationship advice that is guaranteed to Help.

We believe the quality of our life is created by the quality of our relationships. Think about it, unless you’ve chosen the life of a solitary monk living in a cave, your life is filled with one relationship after another. Your family and friends, the people you work with, the person that delivers your mail. Even all those momentary relationships you have with salespeople, servers and restaurants, and the clerk in the grocery store. The list goes on and on.

How much more wonderful would your life be, if each time you interacted with another person you both left feeling satisfied?

Are there any you would like to improve? Are you enjoying the relationships you have with your all your family and friends, what about your boss, colleagues or employees. How is your relationship going with your kids?

The Gift Of Presence

If you want to improve, enrich and strengthen your relationships, we suggest the very first step is learning to give the gift of presence. Now, we don’t mean anniversary, birthday or Christmas presents…  The presence that we’re talking about is the gift of listening to the other person without thinking about yourself at all.

“If you want to be listened to, you should put in time listening.” ~Marge Piercy

Being present for another person doesn’t mean just hearing their words without you talking. It involves you putting your self aside for a moment so that you can really hear what’s important to the other person. When you give the gift of presence, you’re not only demonstrating to the other person that you care about them, you’re also opening the only door to discovering solutions that will be satisfying for everyone.

So next time you notice yourself starting to defend your position, believing you’re right, thinking that the other person is wrong, or giving the other person advice about how to change, STOP… and try giving the gift of presence. What if you got to lose, except maybe a whole bunch of stress, frustration, and pain.

If you’d like to discover other related relationship advice articles, you can start by reading: “Are You Playing Together So That Everyone Has Fun?” http://www.focusedattention.com/articles/Relationship-Advice-Are-You-Playing-Together-So-That-Everyone-Has-Fun.htm?blog

Committed to your success,
Beth

One Simple Step for Creating Intimacy in All Your [tag-tec]Relationships[/tag-tec]

Everyone has the desire to connect honestly and authentically with themselves and others, but often this is one of the most challenging things to do in our [tag-tec]intimate relationships[/tag-tec], never mind our more casual ones. If small talk is not your thing and you’re ready for deeper more satisfying connections in your relationships, here’s a quick tip to help create the honesty and authenticity you desire.

Think Before You Ask

One of the fastest, easiest ways we know of to improve the quality of your connections is by asking conscious questions. By conscious we mean questions that will result in answers that will be meaningful to you. If you’re looking for deeper connection, never ask questions about trivial issues or ones that you don’t really care about the answer.

To come up with conscious, meaningful questions ask yourself some questions first, such as:

• “What kind of connection do I want with this person?”
• “What kind of conversation would bring us closer together?”
• “What would be interesting for me to learn about this person?”

Knowing clearly what you want is the surest way to get it.

Ask Like You Care and Listen Like It’s Important

Whether you are talking to your mother, best friend, significant other, business customers, your boss, interviewing job candidates, or even talking to strangers at a party, it helps to take the initiative in creating the quality of connection you want and to draw the other person out in ways that are meaningful to you.

So try it today… What do you have to lose? What do you really want to know about the person you’re with? Get conscious. Be honest. Be authentic. Ask questions from your heart and listen with a sincere desire to know more about the person you’re with.

Photo courtesy of  darin11111

The No. 1 Obstacle

Many people say that the No. 1 obstacle when attempting to maintain [tag-tec]marriage intimacy[/tag-tec] and create a healthy, happy relationship is the lack of [tag-tec]good communication skills[/tag-tec].

What do you think? Are you in an intimate relationship? Do you believe it’s essential to have [tag-tec]good communication in your relationship[/tag-tec] in order to create the kind of closeness and connection you want?

If so, here’s a tip that we guarantee will help you do just that.

Start by truly understanding the other person’s point of view. Very often when couples start communicating about a problem or dissatisfaction the first thing they hear from their partner sounds like a criticism or a complaint. This is a critical point in the conversation and very often where the communication begins to break down.

This happens as often as it does because most people think in terms of strategies–what they want and the most effective way they think they can get it. This strategy often takes the form of a complaint–how you could change to help them get what they want or a criticism–what your doing “wrong” that is keeping them from getting what they want.

It’s Not About You

Understanding what someone deeply values or the need they’re trying to meet underneath the criticism or complaint is critical to creating genuinely satisfying relationships. Taking the lead in this area is something that you can do immediately to help improve the quality of your communication and in turn, your entire relationship.

Certainly, one way to find out what’s under their complaint is simply to ask them. It’s a place to start, but it’s not always the most effective way of getting to the truth about what a person really values. As we pointed out above, people often think in terms of their strategies as opposed the value or need that is stimulating the strategy.

If you began a conversation by talking about a problem in the relationship and you ask them what they want about the problem you may hear things like, “I want you to _____” (fill in the blank).

• Spend more time with me
• Stop being such a know-it-all
• Listen when I’m talking, etc

Dig Deep

Clearly, these statements just tell you what they want you to do, not what they value, not what need they’re trying to meet. Getting to the underlying values hidden in these statements may require a little detective work on your part. Don’t just take their answers at face value; dig down beneath the surface to find out what values are at the base of what they want.

As an example, let’s dig under these statements and discover what the person might value that had them say what they did.

• Spend more time with me, is probably stimulated by the longing for more connection or intimacy.
• Stop being such a know-it-all, could be a desire for acknowledgment or appreciation for what they know.
• Listen when I’m talking, might be coming from a wish to be understood clearly.

Once you have an idea about what the other person values and what’s most important to them, many other strategies will become obvious for helping them experience these essential qualities.

And for you, it will be much easier to relate them and want to support them then it would be if all you continue to hear was the criticism or complaints.

There is no THEM. There is only US.

Do you want to have more [tag-tec]cooperation and caring in your relationships[/tag-tec]?

If you don’t have a sense of genuine cooperation in your relationships, it’s probably because of “Us Against Them” thinking. This mindset is so widespread in our culture that you can’t help but see it everywhere.

How often have you heard things like “people can’t be trusted,” “look out for number one,” “it’s a dog-eat-dog world,” or any number of other sayings like these?

WE are the Way Home…

Consider this [tag-tec]relationship advice[/tag-tec]. In order to create the kind of relationships you want, you must shift your thinking from “Us Against Them” and start fostering a WE mentality. This new kind of mindset can only be truly established on the foundation of alignment.

The process of creating alignment begins with getting clear about what’s important to everyone involved. The first questions to ask are: “Do we want similar results?” and “How can we get on the same page?”

This is how you start co-creating a shared vision of success. Beginning any important conversation by creating alignment paves the way for easy agreements, abundant results, and far greater satisfaction for everyone involved.

“I now see that the major shift in human evolution is from behaving like an animal struggling to survive to behaving like an animal choosing to evolve. … And to evolve, we need a new kind of thinking and a new kind of behavior, a new ethic and a new morality. It will be that of the evolution of everyone rather than the survival of the fittest.” ~ Jonas Salk

Alignment is crucial if you want to enjoy the benefits of a WE mentality in all your relationships.

Remember, the shortest path to a happy life is found through conscious choice. So begin choosing the WE attitude in your life today.

Want more than you’re getting?