[tag-tec]Angry[/tag-tec] Much?

Does your temper ever cause difficulties in your important [tag-tec]relationships[/tag-tec]or elsewhere in your life? Have you read books on [tag-tec]how to control your anger[/tag-tec] or even taken [tag-tec]anger management [/tag-tec]classes but still struggle to apply the techniques you learned? If so, and you’re ready to dramatically improve this area of your life now, then here are a few simple tips that will support you immediately.

When You Go Within You Don’t Go Without

Making changes in this area of your life requires you to truly understand your motives, your values, and your intentions. When you are experiencing anger, you are focusing your attention on the negative things in your life–what you don’t want.

In reality, your anger comes from an unidentified value disguised as dissatisfaction with something going on “out there”. Identifying this underlying value is critical for shifting your anger into an opportunity that you can turn to your advantage.

When you learn to focus your attention inward–identifying what’s missing for you in situations–you will discover that you can replace the anger with a sense of inner connection and create a new found determination to experience a quality of satisfaction and happiness that only comes with being present to your most authentic self.

“It is a waste of energy to be angry with a man who behaves badly, just as it is to be angry with a car that won’t go.” ~ Bertrand Russell

Using Your Anger to Everyone’s Advantage

When you learn to do this you’ll find you can get what you really want in ways that can satisfy not only you, but others around you. The next time you experience anger, consider trying a new “anger management” strategy that helps you focus your attention on what you truly want. When you turn your attention to what you want that’s missing in the situation you can stop focusing on what you think is wrong and start directing your energy toward getting what you want.

Your[tag-tec] anger[/tag-tec] can give you the opportunity to gain more clarity about what’s most important to you, and lead you to solutions that will be much more satisfying in your life. Choose to apply consistent, focused attention on what you truly want in life, rather than becoming angry and upset about what you don’t want.

As soon as you make a conscious decision to turn your anger to your advantage, this new technique will begin to improve your life.

Do Angry People Make You Angry?

Do you ever wonder why angry people don’t take some sort of anger management class? Do you feel tired when you have to deal with angry people? If you’re like most of us, dealing with angry people probably makes you feel somewhat angry yourself.

When you listen to people venting constantly, one of two things is likely to happen. Either you withdraw because it’s too stressful to listen to, or you end up becoming frustrated inside and this makes you appear as angry on the outside.

It’s important you realize that another person’s anger doesn’t have to make you angry. Their anger is not about you. When someone is angry, it’s because they are not getting what they want. So don’t take it personally.

Guess Why I’m Angry?

While it’s best to avoid taking another person’s anger personally, you might be the trigger for their anger somehow, and it can be helpful to figure out what their angers about–what’s going on for them under the surface. Again, you are not the cause of their anger, but if you can guess why the other person is feeling that way, then you might be able to take action to help improve the situation.

How do you guess the reason for another person’s anger? Examine their needs and values-either directly, by asking them, or indirectly, by thinking about what may be driving those negative feelings. Everything a person does is driven by their needs and values.

Anger Might Equal Opportunity

“Usually when people are sad, they don’t do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change.” ~ Malcolm X

Once you understand that everything truly comes down to needs and values, you can just guess about why another person is angry. And, in doing so, you will feel more relaxed and be better able to stop taking things personally, because their anger is really not about you.

Related Anger Management Resources

Michele Borba: Anger Management Tips for Kids | Dr. Michele … – Dr. Michele Borba share her secrets for discipline problems, behavior troubles, school issues and much more! Parenting advice, tips, and articles for raising happy, healthy children from conception to graduation.

If you were an employer, would you hire yourself? : Advantages of … – Anger Management ala George Anderson. Presented by Anderson and Anderson-Global leader in anger management training and certification. If you were an employer, would you hire yourself? : Advantages of Executive Coaching …

Anger Management with Yoga Therapy – Potent yogic technique to help you release and be free of your anger and frustration. Illustrations and practice detailed included.

Do you start to question yourself and your relationships when others get angry or frustrated around you? Does other people’s irritation or their temper tantrum cause you to lose sight of your needs and values?

Whether it’s a minor annoyance or full blown rage, it is critical that you remember:
“It is NOT all about you.”

Other people’s feelings are not really about you at all.

“Don’t’ take it personally!”

Remembering this is definitely easier said than done. Especially when someone else is really upset and telling you that everything is your fault.

The trick to keep in mind is the understanding that everything everybody does is driven by the desire to meet their personal needs and to experience what they value.

Everything!

“Let us take things as we find them: let us not attempt to distort them into what they are not. We cannot make facts. All our wishing cannot change them. We must use them.”
~ John Henry Cardinal Newman

Take time to reflect on exactly what it is that the other person values that they are not getting. This is what’s stimulating their anger. When you figure this out it will be much easier to follow the advice:

“Don’t take it personally!”

Can Anger Be Useful?

When you find yourself getting angry, do you make an effort to stop, or to “control” your anger? If so, this quote is for you.

“Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to.”
~ Harriet Lerner

Emotions happen for a reason. Whether you are happy, sad, angry, or whatever, that emotion is trying to tell you something. [tag-tec]Anger [/tag-tec] is one of those emotions that happens to be more difficult to listen to because it causes you to feel uncomfortable. And from a very young age most of us were taught that uncomfortable feelings must be controlled.

Think about this: instead of [tag-tec]controlling your anger [/tag-tec]–talk to it–try to understand what it’s attempting to tell you. Asked yourself: “What do I value that is missing in this situation?”

Practice Taking Your Anger By The Ear

When you practice listening to your anger and discover the underlying causes of it, you will be more likely to avoid straying down the path to hell where anger often takes you.

Any emotion, even anger, is a signal that can help guide your life. When you listen, you can hear a brighter future calling you down an different path.

Once you get the hang of  listening to your anger as a guide, you no longer need to wait for full-blown anger before getting off the path to hell. Pay close attention when you first notice those early feelings of discomfort. This is a great time to began questioning yourself about what’s missing and what you need that will help create the happiness you want your life.

wishing you peace and happiness,
Beth and Neill