Stop This, Stop That, I Don’t Think so

Do you prefer keeping your attitude positive? Are you sometimes annoyed or uncomfortable when people start complaining to you? We’ve been asked: ” Is it possible to stop reacting and keep a positive attitude when people around me complain and want me to join in?”

Our favorite answer to this question is: “Give up the hope that you will ever stop reacting”. We let them know that stopping is impossible. This is because you can only start doing something else. The first step to enjoy what’s going on around you is to decide what you “do want” and start doing that instead.

All men have a sweetness in their life. That is what helps them go on. It is towards that they turn when they feel too worn out.”

~ Albert Camus

Knowing what you ” do want ” is the only way you can get it. Check it out for yourself. Today, Every time you hear yourself saying: “I want to stop…” or “I don’t want…” ask yourself: “What ” do ” I want in this situation, or with this person?”

We believe the shortest path to a happy life is found through conscious choice and each time you can bring something up from the subconscious into the conscious you’re on your way to creating a life you truly want.

Try This One on For Size

As we move in to the first weeks of 2011, let your number one New Year’s Resolution be a commitment to self-care and self appreciation.

Have you been putting effort into changing your life for the better for yourself, those around you, and maybe even the world? Does it seem you’ve tried just about every [tag-tec]self help[/tag-tec] book and [tag-tec]personal growth[/tag-tec] program on the market?

If so, while these efforts are often helpful, sometimes the self-awareness they bring can lead to frustration and even more self-criticism and judgment. They can become just one more thing you’re striving to measure-up-to.

You are Doing the Best You Can

As you move into this new year, remember that you are always doing the best you can, and that your “mistakes” are important sign-posts along the road that leads to true happiness. If you take time to read them, they can always help guide you on your way.

So the next time you find yourself feeling frustrated or being judgmental or self-critical — STOP — then take time to identify the learning lesson, celebrate your intentions and efforts along the way, and remember to appreciate all of the wonderful things about you.

“The creative is the place where no one else has ever been. You will have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you will discover will be wonderful. What you’ll discover will be yourself.” ~ Alan Alda

Remember that it won’t always be easy to let 2011 be your year of self discovery, self-care and self appreciation, but allowing yourself to relax into the perfection of every moment will guaranteed this year to be part of the glorious, excitement filled journey of your lifetime.

How many do you have?

Have you ever counted how many remotes you have in your home? You probably have at least several, one for the television, the DVD player, the CD player, and even one for the garage door. Each remote is one that you probably can’t live without, each one having a specific purpose. You can perform powerful actions and make changes using each of these remotes.

Image via Wikipedia

The one remote that’s more important than all others

What you may not have realized is that you also have something that works like a remote control for your brain. This remote is especially powerful, and allows you to change the way you think.

How much of your time do you spend on a negative talk station? Would you like to listen to a “different station” now and then? Well then it’s probably time to use your remote by choosing to listen to a station that broadcasts more positive messages, ones that give you support and encouragement, rather than judgment and negativity.

Stop listening to the messages that say, “I am not good enough, smart enough, good-looking enough “, “I can’t, I should have, I shouldn’t have,” and start tuning into the channel that tells you that you CAN do it, you are good enough, and you’ve done a great job.

“Affirmations are like prescriptions for certain aspects of yourself you want to change.” ~ Jerry Frankhauser

It’s time for a change

So don’t you think it’s time you use your built in remote to change the channel to a more positive station? How do you think you’d feel if you start to hear messages such as, “I am worthy,” and “I can get what I want from life.”?

When you choose to only tune in to the positive messages station, you will create the kind of [tag-tec]self help[tag-tec] strategies that you need to accomplish your dreams.

Anyone that has experienced the power of positive belief statements can attest to the changes that ensue when you use your internal remote to change that negative believe channel to a more positive one.

Allowing ourselves to focus on improving our self esteem and our self image can bring peace and harmony into our lives, along with a much more authentic happiness.

If You Value Your Time – Take Time for What You Value

Does the question ever cross your mind as you run through your very busy days, “How could I possibly bother spending the time trying to improve myself when I’ve got so much to do?”

Does it seem as if your life is so full of just trying to get things done that the ideas of acquiring [tag-tec]self help skills[/tag-tec], enhancing your [tag-tec]spiritual growth[/tag-tec], or implementing a new [tag-tec]personal development plan[/tag-tec] seems almost impossible? And yet, is there also a gnawing question that lingers in your mind, “Is this all there is?” “Am I missing out on something even with all these things on my to-do list?”

If any of this sounds familiar, then the next time you’re confronted with the hectic pace of daily life, take a moment and find the time to “bother” with your [tag-tec]personal development[/tag-tec]. Gaining a clearer understanding of ourselves always adds value to our lives and can also increase our sense of significance and purpose in those daily activities.

Finding meaning in our lives starts when we begin investigating who we are and what is going on around us. We are the only one that can say for certain what is deeply important to us, so if we get so very busy that we don’t take the time to stop and look at our life, it may fill up with things that don’t give us the kinds of joy and meaning we truly want.

Is Your Cup Overflowing?

Here’s an old [tag-tec]Zen story[/tag-tec] that speaks to the truth of this:

A university teacher visited Nan-in, a Japanese master. The professor was interested in learning about the Zen philosophy. Nan-in served the professor tea. He poured tea in the professor’s cup until it was full. But he kept on pouring.

The professor watched the tea overflow his cup until he could no longer stop himself. “My cup is overflowing,” he said, “no more will go in!”

“Like this tea cup,” Nan-in replied, “you are full of your own ideas and opinions. How can you learn about Zen unless you first empty your cup?”

To learn anything new, you need some room for it in what you already know. With life’s crazy pace, every once and awhile it’s important to invest the time, energy and attention to let in new ideas and awareness.

That was Zen – This is Now

You can begin emptying your cup by examining what you believe and what you value.

• Do some things just seem “right or wrong”, “good or bad”, or “appropriate or inappropriate”?

• Are your [tag-tec]beliefs[/tag-tec] broader than the set of [tag-tec]cultural beliefs[/tag-tec] permeating our lives on an unconscious level?

• Are you easily able to recognize which [tag-tec]beliefs[/tag-tec] are motivating your actions?

• Do you know the values that are reflected in your [tag-tec]beliefs[/tag-tec]?

• Are you able to recognize when your [tag-tec]beliefs[/tag-tec] are not accurately reflecting your [tag-tec]core values[/tag-tec]?

Unless you occasionally take the time to consciously empty your cup of beliefs that do not fit with your [tag-tec]core values[/tag-tec], it will fill up with various cultural beliefs that come to you from the outside, which become the unconscious motivations influencing the choices you make and how you live your life.

As you empty your cup, you begin to make room in your life for the question, “Are the beliefs I hold as the truth really my own beliefs?”

Another question to ask is, “Did I knowingly choose these beliefs as my own or did I simply take them on without question?”

You answer these questions by exploring whether your beliefs support what you really value, or if they are just beliefs you learned simply because they have been part of our culture for hundreds or thousands of years.

Bother to Be – Continue to Ask – and Be Willing to Listen

To understand more about how [tag-tec]cultural beliefs[/tag-tec] might be influencing you, look at the principles you live by and rules you follow. Or consider all those little adages you were told growing up such as, life is hard, it’s a dog eat dog world, only the strong survive, etc.

Explore these for yourself. Ask, “Do I truly believe these?”  Do these principles, rules or sayings really support me in living the life I desire, one that is a reflection of what I truly value?

Here are a set of questions you can ask yourself as you go through your day that will help you figure this out for yourself:

• What do I really desire in this area of my life?

• What would I like to experience right here and right now?

• What motivates the action I’m about to take?

• Is what I’m about to do going to get me the results I really want?

• Is what I’m doing now really what want to do?

Take pause and remember that in the process of questioning, there are no hard and fast rules, no good or bad answer, no right or wrong beliefs. The purpose is to begin taking time for your [tag-tec]self-improvement[/tag-tec] and [tag-tec]spiritual development[/tag-tec], to experience the fact that this is worth “bothering” with.

An Empty Cup Allows Room to Grow

We trust that as you uncover your own [tag-tec]personal values[/tag-tec], start developing empowering new beliefs that reflect those values, and begin taking actions that are in alignment with them, your discomfort or dissatisfaction with the hectic pace of life with begin to diminish.

You’ll start clearly recognizing which of your daily activities reflect what you value and experience an increased sense of significance and purpose in these. You’ll also start easily pruning away the clutter in your life as you get more clarity about what is important you and what is not.

As your life becomes more meaningful, taking the time for [tag-tec]self-improvement[/tag-tec] will not only be worth bothering with, you will welcome it because you know you have plenty of room for it in your cup!

Building a Foundation for Success

We believe that the quality of our [tag-tec]relationships[/tag-tec] creates the quality of our lives. If this is true then it’s vital to know how to effectively align your needs and desires with the needs and desires of the people in your life. Without this ability, it can be difficult to maintain the quality of relationships essential for creating the kind of life you truly want.

How can you know if someone in your life is on the same page as you? Are the same things important to both of you? Do you want similar results?

Establishing alignment is an essential ingredient for successful co-creation. In life, we often go about our own business trying to achieve our own [tag-tec]goals[/tag-tec], yet we are all still interconnected. These connections put limits on how far we can get in achieving our own results without cooperation.

The process of creating genuine co-operation starts with alignment. This is a process of getting clear about what is important to everyone involved at the deepest level of their [tag-tec]core values[/tag-tec]. When you start building the alignment process on this foundation of shared values there’s less room for disconnection and disagreement.

This means making sure you establish alignment at a values level before you begin to create strategies for getting what you want.

When You Put the Cart Before the Horse

We often see people get stuck when they try to gain someone’s cooperation and they start the conversation by offering or asking for strategies. The trouble with this is that people usually have different ideas about which strategies would work best. It’s easy for disagreements about the strategies to end up sounding like judgments and justifications.

As an example, say you work in a very small office and a coworker at the next desk speaks louder than allows you to easily concentrate.

If you walked over to their desk with a strategy already in mind–such them keeping their voice down while they’re on the phone–the first thing you might hear is disagreement about how loud they are speaking or some kind of justification about why it’s important to speak with a confident tone of voice.

It’s possible to avoid the back-and-forth that is bound to ensue if you begin the conversation with a deeper level of understanding and connection. You can much more easily create the cooperation you want when you start by creating alignment around what you each value.

Why? Because at a core level we all share the same set of values and beginning a conversation by focusing our attention on these values stimulates our natural tendency for empathy and compassion.

Aligning with Success

Think about it. In this situation, wouldn’t each person want to experience consideration?

Would understanding be important to them?

Would they like to be free to make their own choices?

Do you think they’d like to be comfortable, relaxed, and free to express themselves?

Yes, of course they would, and so does everyone else.

So in this work situation, imagine having the intention to start your conversation:

• with no agenda other than cooperating so that everyone gets what’s most important to them,
• with an intention to first create understanding and alignment about what you each value in your ideal work situation,
• and without attachment to any particular strategies.

If this was your intention, you might start by letting them know there is something you’d like to get on the same page about.  Then request to have a conversation where you can discuss what’s most important to each of you about your work environment and relationships with your coworkers.

In that conversation, you might explore the value you place on being able to concentrate while working and their desire to be effective during their phone calls.

When Issues Become Opportunities

The volume they use while on the phone, and your desire for concentration, can become an opportunity to get more connected and aware of each other’s values.

This quality of sharing paves the way for you to co-create strategies for working together that ensure everyone experiences more of what they want.

This is how to begin co-creating a shared vision of success. Alignment paves the way for easy agreements and satisfying results that produces far greater enjoyment for everyone involved.