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Please Change

Have you ever wished that your [tag-tec]relationship [/tag-tec]partner was less jealous, more interested, or more encouraging or supportive? Do you find yourself thinking that your relationship would be so much better “if only” your partner would change in some way?

Sometimes it’s difficult to identify the “real” problems in our relationships. We are taught to believe that we can measure how much someone loves us based on what they do and say-and if what they do and say doesn’t match our expectations, then their love doesn’t measure up.

I Would Be Happy If only…

This leads people to “test” their relationships using ideas like, “If they truly loved me, then they would…..talk to me more, spend more time listening, take me (someplace), or buy me (something).” How about, “If they truly loved me, then they would NOT (complain so much, criticize me, interrupt me, walk away, spend so much time on a hobby, etc……”

These “measurements” are not really the best ways to evaluate or prove the quality of your relationships. When we expect people to pass these types of “tests” of our relationships, we are inevitably disappointed.

Why?

They cause us to spend too much time focusing our attention on the negative aspects of the relationship, instead of focusing our attention on what we enjoy about it.

“The surest hindrance of success is to have too high a standard of refinement in our own minds, or too high an opinion of the judgment of the public. He who is determined not to be satisfied with anything short of perfection will never do anything to please himself or others.” ~ Hazlitt

It’s for You to Do

Remember that what you focus your attention on is what grows and becomes reality. So start focusing your attention on what you DO like about your relationship partner, and you will start seeing–and getting–far more of what you DO like and far less of what you DON’T.

When you start focusing your attention on what you DO like it’s almost automatic that you’ll start to give what you want to receive, and you will get more of it back. So, if you want to get more support from your relationship for example, then you must begin by giving more support.

If you want some help putting this powerful practice to work improving your relationships, sign up for The Shocking Truth About Loving eMail eCourse.

What do you want out of your relationship?

Have you ever wished that your intimate other was less insecure, less jealous, more interested, or more supportive? Do you find yourself thinking that your [tag-tec]relationship[/tag-tec] would be so much better “if only” your partner would make some changes?

Sometimes it’s difficult to identify the “real” problems in our lives. We are taught to believe that we can measure how much someone loves us based on what they do and say-and if what they do and say doesn’t match what we want, then they don’t love us enough.

Do you ever give your significant other the
“If they really loved me” test?

This leads people to “test” their [tag-tec]relationships[/tag-tec] by thinking things like, “If he/she truly loved me, then they would…..talk to me more, spend more time listening, take me (someplace), or buy me (something).” How about, “If he truly loved me, then he would NOT (complain so much, criticize me, interrupt me, walk away, spend so much time on a hobby, etc……”

These are not really the best ways to assess or test the quality of your relationships. When we use these types of “tests” on our relationships, we are inevitably disappointed, because we spend too much time focusing our attention on the negative aspects of the relationship, instead of focusing our attention on what we enjoy about it.

“The surest hindrance of success is to have too high a standard of refinement in our own minds, or too high an opinion of the judgment of the public. He who is determined not to be satisfied with anything short of perfection will never do anything to please himself or others.” ~ Hazlitt

Be The Change

Focus your attention on what you DO like about your relationship partners, and you will get far less of what you DON’T like. Remember that what you focus your attention on is what grows and becomes reality.

When you give what you want to receive, you will immediately get more of it back. If you want more support, caring or respect from a relationship, then you must begin by giving more support, caring or respect.

“Be the change you want to see in the world!”

Here’s an article we we thought you’d enjoy. As she says in the article: For something completely different, she thought she  would offer readers some surefire ways to effectively ruin their relationships.

Sometimes in areas of our life that are especially complicated–relationships are definitely on the top of that list–it’s easier to start with what not to do. Once you understand this you can more smoothly move ahead and start choosing the best / most effective ways to create the kinds of relationships you really do want.

Check out this relationship article and let us know what you think.

Until next time…

Beth and Neill

Are there relationships in your life that aren’t going the way you want them to? Are you trying your best but things don’t seem to change? If so… Relationship intelligence includes knowing exactly what you want, and then knowing how to create a conscious intention that will help you get it.

Do Intentions Really Affect Your Relationships?

The short answer is yes! Intentions are a simple yet powerful tool that you can use to set your desires in motion.

You might want a more peaceful and harmonious relationship with one of your parents. Maybe you want to create more connection and trust with someone you love. Perhaps you crave a more supportive relationship with your boss; or maybe, after work, you want more fun and connection with friends. You can create an intention for any relationship that you would like to improve.

But What Are Conscious Intentions?

Whether or not you are aware of it, you have an intention every time you interact with someone. Even an unconscious intention can be sensed by others, and if they sense that you are dissatisfied with the relationship, they will often take this personally and interpret whatever you do as criticism.

Unfortunately, when this happens it creates more problems, the opposite of what you actually want–a better relationship.

If you’re dissatisfied with any relationship in your life, we suggest that–before you spend another moment with that person–you create a conscious intention for your relationship.

Relationship Intelligence Starts with You

Decide what qualities you want in the relationship, and then use these qualities to create your conscious intention. Use positive language to word your intention.

Here are some examples: “I intend to have more fun and adventure with my spouse,” or “I intend to create a relationship based on connecting and having fun with my sister.”

Don’t write an intention about what you don’t want, or use negative or pessimistic language. Avoid sentences like, “I don’t want my mother to nag me anymore.”

Notice that conscious intentions are expressed as values, or qualities of life. Since what you focus your attention on grows, if you spend a few minutes every day reading your intentions out loud, they are more likely to happen.

Do Intentions Really Work?

Try them out and see! Pick a few relationships in your life where you would like to see improvement. Then write down the qualities you want to experience with that person. Begin with the words, “I intend….” Make sure you express what you want in positive language.

Every day, take a few minutes to read your intentions out loud, and then notice how your relationships begin to change for the better.

As we so often say… the shortest path to a happy life is found through conscious choice.

With love,
Beth and Neill