Want Happiness?

Each of us shares these same basic desires–to be happy and [tag-tec]avoid suffering[/tag-tec]. We spend our whole lives pursuing this end. In this pursuit we mainly focus on improving our external conditions with the hope that doing so will help us increase our happiness, or at else trying to solve the problems that seem to prevent it.

But how much does this focus on improving our external circumstances actually help?

Create Happiness from the Inside Out

We believe one of the most valuable [tag-tec]self help[/tag-tec] methods for pursuing [tag-tec]happiness[/tag-tec] is to focus on improving our internal landscape–learning to shift the way we see ourselves and the world. This shift in perspective has helped more than anything else to improve our lives, increase our happiness, and to help solve any problems that crop up along the way.

What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow: Our life is the creation of our mind. ~Buddha

The next time you feel tense, upset or uncomfortable in any way, remember this Buddha quote and then use your feelings of discomfort as an alarm bell signaling that it’s time to shift your attention from “out there” to “in here”.

Then ask yourself: “How can I relate to this situation in a way that will help me feel better than I do right now? What perspective can I adopt that will help me see the best in what’s going on?”

[tag-tec]Be the Change You want to See in the World[/tag-tec]

The thoughts you choose will create the happiness you seek–from the inside out. As you practice the art of focused attention we guarantee your outer circumstances will begin to reflect the happiness you seek more and more often.

But is [tag-tec]Happiness[/tag-tec] Really a Choice?

Many people find it very difficult to[tag-tec]maintain a positive outlook[/tag-tec] when they’re constantly bombarded with news about how much suffering exists in the world.

Some people even express a sense of [tag-tec]guilt about being happy[/tag-tec] when so many people go through extreme hardships of one kind or another.

Have you ever felt sad, frustrated, depressed or scared after listening to the news or reading the paper?

These feelings seem to be rooted in a sense of hopelessness about our ability to do anything to make a difference.

What many people end up doing is suffering sympathetically. While we are deeply moved by the suffering of people around the world, we believe the strategy of “sympathetic suffering” actually does more harm than good. We believe choosing [tag-tec]happiness is important[/tag-tec].

Here Are 5 Reasons Why.

The first reason is that, your pain servers no one

If you stopped breathing would other people breathe better? Try it out for yourself. Hold your breath, and then look around, is anybody breathing better?

The same is true about your happiness.

Can you think of one time when you were sad, upset or angry, and those feelings made a positive difference in someone else’s life? You can only give to others what you already have. [tag-tec]It’s okay to be happy[/tag-tec]!

The second reason is that happiness helps happiness happen

Sadness shared does not reduce sadness, but happiness shared actually multiply happiness. Think about it. Remember, the last time you were with someone that was really happy, passionate or excited about something. Didn’t you enjoy being with them? Wasn’t their happiness contagious?

Why does this happen?

At a very deep level, all of us want to be happy and are drawn to whatever encourages and supports our own happiness. You see, it’s actually good for everyone when you’re happy!

The next reason is that what you focus your attention on grows

When you consciously focus on being happy, you will find more happiness in your life–Guaranteed!

This isn’t “new-ageie, magical thinking.” It is just the way our minds work. We can’t help but recognize and pay attention to those things that are similar to where we focus our attention.

You may have had this experience. When we bought our last car we thought it was so unique, but as we were driving home, we saw another one and continue to see more and more of them the longer we owned it. We couldn’t help but see that model because our attention was now focused on it.

So if it is true that what we all really want is to be happy, then focusing our attention on the activities and thoughts that contribute to our happiness is essential. It’s not only a good thing to be happy it’s actually important to be happy!

Another good reason is that saying so support success

“If you think you can or if you think you can’t, either way you’re right.” This famous quote by Henry Ford puts it in a nutshell. It speaks to the very essence of why it’s true: if you say its so–it is so.

Our thinking can be one of the most fundamental limitations on our ability to be happy–or to be anything else for that matter. So Don’t Worry, Be Happy

The final reason and we believe the most important reason to choose happiness is that…

YOU Can Make a Difference!

If you can learn to maintain your personal happiness, regardless of your circumstances, you actually can make a real difference in the world.

Give up the idea that you–one lone person–can’t make a difference. It’s not true. Just because there are so many things you can’t do anything about, doesn’t mean there aren’t just as many things you can do something about.

So the next time you feel hopeless about your ability to do anything to make a difference, remember: your suffering serves no one and may even be keeping you paralyzed–unable to do anything to support anyone, including yourself.

So is [tag-tec]happiness[/tag-tec] a choice?

We say it better be!

So say it loud–and say it proud…

I Choose Happiness!

COMPLAINTS?

Have you ever noticed how much time people spend complaining? If so, you may have noticed that the worst part about complaining is that it eats up a great deal of time and mental energy, leaves us [tag-tec]feeling stressed out[/tag-tec] and doesn’t getting much changed about the situation. Complaining also has physical effect, leaving you feeling tense and uncomfortable and people who are chronic complainers often end up becoming very cynical and negative assuming nothing will ever change.

WHY IS COMPLAINING SO COMMON?

From the time we are small children, our parents have taught us the difference between right and wrong. Everyone knows the “good” and “bad” ways to act.  When someone notices something they don’t like, often the first impulse is to make a judgment about whether it is “right” or “wrong.” This can lead to judging people as inappropriate or unacceptable, based on their actions we observe.

For most people, this judgment acts as a defense mechanism to keep ourselves and our feelings safe. If we can feel that our actions were “right,” then it’s far easier to assume the other person is “wrong.” We assume that if our actions are “right,” then others will not have any reason to judge us, therefore keeping us safe.

All these internal judgments inevitably turn into complaints, and we end up spending our time complaining to ourselves about the situation or the person involved.  However, because complaining actually makes us feel bad—and, as human beings, what we want most is to feel good–we end up sharing our complaints with other people. Our hope is that if we talk to others about our complaint they will agree with us and we will feel better and find the [tag-tec]happiness[/tag-tec] we are actually looking for.

DO YOU EVER COMPLAIN TO OTHER PEOPLE ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS?

There are two possibilities that can occur when we complain to other people. One possibility is that they may agree with us and join in with the complaining, which leads both parties to feel tense, agitated, and uncomfortable. The next possibility is that the other person disagrees with us, which can lead to additional conflict and more uncomfortable feelings. Regardless of which way the complaining leads, it rarely leads either person to feel better about the situation. Additionally, any time spent complaining is time that is not spent finding a way to make the situation better.

“If you don’t like something change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain.” ~Maya Angelou

It is hard to remember the reality of a situation when we spend so much time complaining. The facts get clouded by our blaming, judging, and complaining, which makes us feel more stressed about any situation and less able to find a solution. When we continue to complain about something, we often forget why we even started to complain in the first place.

“The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.” ~Mark Twain

WHY DO WE REALLY COMPLAIN?

One way to stop complaining is to really think about why you are complaining in the first place. Approaching every situation that you had a complaint about as an opportunity to start taking action to change things may help you relieve stress and find more peace and happiness at the same time.

How is this possible? Complaints can actually be the key to your happiness if you use them to unlock the deeper meanings about your judgment and irritation. Complaining is almost always a reflection of your true underlying values and what you want to see happening in this situation. When something you really want is not happening, it will lead to complaining. But, the complaint is merely a distraction from the true situation unless you use it to make a change.

“Now, 10 years later, the person who talked and complained is still talking and complaining and still remains in the same position. The person who took the initiative and found solutions has been promoted several times.” ~Catherine Pulsifer

Here’s the [tag-tec]stress relief[/tag-tec] you’re looking for…

5 KEYS FOR TURNING COMPLAINTS INTO SATISFYING SOLUTIONS

1) If you are looking to find solutions begin by downloading a free Values worksheet to help you identify what is most important to you.

http://www.focusedattention.com/resources/resources.htm

2) After completing the [tag-tec]Core Values[/tag-tec] Worksheet, think about what came up as important topics, and what is missing from the situation that is currently a problem. Identify these using value words.

3) When you catch yourself complaining about a situation, ask yourself:

• “What would be different if I did not judge this situation as right or wrong?”
• “What is very important to me that is missing in this situation?”
• “What can I do to experience what is missing for me?” “What can I change here?”

As an example, you might find that you were hoping for more connection in relationships or more self-discipline to complete tasks and projects.  If you find yourself complaining about being too busy, perhaps what’s missing is balance or relaxation. If you find yourself complaining about your partner nagging at you all the time, then maybe what’s missing is understanding or better communication.

4) Take some time to reflect and ask yourself, “If I could change the situation to include things that are important to me, would I be complaining about the present situation?”

5) Lastly, consider, “How can I act to make a change in this situation to make it include what I want most?”

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” ~Victor Frankl

Bonus Key) LIVE IN HARMONY WITH WHAT YOU VALUE

Everybody feels the affects of stress, and most people are often searching for ways to find stress relief. Finding [tag-tec]happiness [/tag-tec]and eliminating stress has many benefits, including physical, emotional, and mental benefits. A healthy lifestyle is one that helps a person manage stress effectively.[tag-tec] Happiness is a choice[/tag-tec], and many people just don’t realize this. Recognizing any unhealthy thought patterns and changing them can have remarkable effects on your life.

Do Your Pets Make You Feel Happier?

Interestingly enough, the population of pets in America is almost double the population of people in the country. Estimates suggest there are nearly 400 million pets owned by Americans. Owning a pet is considered a terrific way to reduce stress; there are many physical and mental health benefits to the companionship of a loving pet. Having a pet can lower blood pressure, improve cholesterol levels, and make a person more relaxed, happier and healthy overall.

However…..there are some pets that are not as good for you…..

What Kind Of Pets Do NOT Make Good Companions?

Did you know owning certain kinds of pets can actually harm you? These pets can harm you mentally as well as physically, and are usually not recommended as good way to relieve stress. Any pet that can cause pain or stress is probably one to be avoided. Right?

People just don’t generally keep pets when they are dangerous. Having a pet porcupine is not something that is very common. There are plenty of reasons for this, beginning with the fact that you can’t cuddle up and enjoy the companionship of a porcupine. Most people prefer pets that are cuddly and soft, or playful, or offer some degree of love in return for the love and care you provide.

There is one kind of dangerous pet that most people keep at least one of. Wondering what type of pet that is? Your pet peeves.

Most people have at least one of these pets, and some people seem to have tons of them. These are the kinds of pets that cause us tremendous harm-whether we are having peeves about taxes, waiting in line, slow drivers, loud children, neighborhood functions, or whatever we can come up with. Pet peeves cost us energy and happiness, regardless of the breed.

How Much Do Your Pet Peeves Cost You?

Pet peeves are expensive to maintain. It’s the kind of pet that the more attention you pay to it, the worse it becomes. You will become more upset and angry with every bit of energy you devote to your pet peeve.

It seems so simple, to just let those pet peeves go and release some of the pain and frustration that they cause. Keeping that pet peeve close by means you are complaining more about whatever it is that is bugging you, and that just cannot lead to good things in your life.

Where Does Complaining Get You?

Complaining just doesn’t really get you anywhere. It’s like blowing dust off of a table, it has to land somewhere and you will just have to clean it up again later.

When you focus your attention on complaining, you will notice what’s annoying you more and more. It has been said that a pet peeve is merely an opportunity to complain that is seldom missed. This is really a way to actively seek unhappiness.

Focusing on pet peeves does not make them go away. In fact, usually complaining about them only makes them bigger and more irritating. Complaining about slow drivers then leads to complaining about slow cashiers and then leads to complaining about long waits in your doctor’s office. Focusing your attention on one pet peeve only serves to bring out more and make them all more magnified and pronounced. This is not a good experience for anyone-not for you or for your listeners.

Complaining about your pet peeves might seem like a good way to vent your frustrations, but it will be unlikely to leave you feeling more peaceful or relieved. It is the kind of complaining that doesn’t get anything done-complaining about a long wait in a cashier’s line doesn’t make it any shorter.

Let Them Go… Let Them Go…

“Some people seem to go through life standing at the complaint counter.” ~ Fred Propp Jr.

Letting go of your pet peeves, setting them free to live on their own in the wild, if you will, is not done so that the pets will be happier. Those kinds of pets will never be happy anyway. Letting them go is a necessary action so that we can be happier. Anyone that has let go of their pet peeves will vouch for this.

People want to[tag-tec] be happy[/tag-tec], though, even if pet peeves don’t. Committing yourself to a happy life and working toward experiencing more happiness is an active process that takes conscious effort on your part. But that effort is definitely worthwhile.

But How Do You Set Them Free?

Wondering what the fastest and easiest way is to set your pet peeves free and find more peace and happiness in your life? Work on focusing your attention on the positive things. Experience gratitude. Enjoy your life. Perhaps this sounds overly simplified, and it might be easier said than done-at least at the beginning. But once you get going toward happiness, the process feeds itself and you will become happier and happier, the more you focus on that.

Happiness Breeds Happiness

Stop allowing your pet peeves to take up any more of your precious time. Focus on developing what you enjoy, and focus on the steps you are taking toward happiness. You have emotional reserves, like a bank account, and you need to keep some currency in this account. Every positive event you experience, every piece of happiness, needs to be deposited into this “account” so that you can draw from this instead of focusing any attention on your pet peeves.

Don’t allow any pet peeves to make withdrawals from this emotional bank account.
Any time you feel frustrated by one of your pet peeves, take a moment to focus your attention on something more positive. Turn that energy into thanks and gratitude for something good you have in your life.

Whatever you choose to focus your attention on is what will grow. Make sure that you take the time to focus on the positives, and let those pet peeves be set free once and for all. Pet peeves are truly not the kind of pets that anyone wants-most pets provide comfort, joy, and companionship, and pet peeve only bring irritation and frustration.

Happiness really is a choice that you can make for yourself. Remember to keep your bank filled with thanks, instead of complaints. And the next time you’re looking to adopt a pet, make sure it’s the soft cuddly kind.

Is Happiness Really a Choice?

Do you ever feel worried or anxious about the things that are going on in the world today? Are you feeling confused about whether you should even try to [tag-tec]be happy[/tag-tec] when there are people losing their jobs, their homes or even being killed in other parts of the world? If so, You are not alone

Many people find it very difficult to maintain a [tag-tec]positive, optimistic outlook[/tag-tec] on life when they’re constantly bombarded with news about how much suffering exists in the world. Some even express a sense of guilt about improving the quality of their own life while so many others are experiencing extreme hardships, traumatic loss, and crushing poverty.

This difficulty seems to be rooted in a sense of hopelessness about our ability to do anything to make a difference in the lives of other people who are so far removed from us. While we are deeply moved by the compassion people have for others, however, we believe the strategy of “sympathetic suffering” actually does more harm than good.

The Way to Happiness

The reality is that your ability to maintain your own happiness and[tag-tec] peace of mind [/tag-tec]in the midst of a troubled world is the best foundation you can have for making a real difference. And here’s why.

1. Because “Sympathetic Suffering” Feels Bad

When you read bad news in the newspaper, watch it on the evening news, or talk about it with your friends over coffee or in online chat forums, how do you feel?

If you focus on the idea that the world is falling apart and on the sadness and suffering of others, it’s hard not to feel worried, sad or even downright depressed. What–if anything–can you do when you feel so negative? Not much, that’s for sure. It’s okay to be happy!

2. Because Your Pain Servers No One

If you stopped breathing would there be more air for others? The same is true about your [tag-tec]happiness [/tag-tec]and peace of mind. Can you think of one time when you were sad, upset or angry about something, and feeling that way made a positive difference in someone else’s life? You can only give to others what you already have. It’s okay to be happy!

3. Because Your Happiness and Peace of Mind Can Actually Serve Others

Maintaining a happy, positive frame of mind allows you to be more effective at accomplishing the things that are important to you in your life. It helps you in your ability to serve others, and in serving others you can actually help make the world a better place. It’s okay to be happy!

4. Because Happiness Breeds Happiness

Sadness shared does not diminish the sadness, but happiness shared does multiply the happiness. Think about it. Remember, the last time you were with someone that was really happy. Didn’t you enjoy being with them? Wasn’t their happiness infectious? Why? At a very deep level, all of us want to be happy and are drawn to whatever encourages and supports our own happiness. It’s okay to be happy!

5. Because What You Focus Your Attention On Grows

When you consciously focus on being happy, you will find more happiness in your life–Guaranteed! This isn’t “magical thinking.” It is just the way our minds work. We can’t help but recognize and pay attention to those things that are similar to where we focus our attention. And if it is true that what we really want is to be happy, then focusing our attention on the activities and thoughts that contribute to our happiness is essential. It really is okay to be happy!

6. Because It Feels Better

This may not seem like a great reason to maintain your own happiness while people around you are suffering, but think about it, when do you get the most done? When do you make the biggest difference in your life and the lives of people around you? It’s when you feel good–when you’re positive–when you are upbeat–when you are happy. Isn’t it? You’re sadness, upset or dissatisfaction helps no one. Give yourself permission to be happy today.

7. Because When You’re Not in Action, You’re In Distraction

With as much as there is going on in the world these days it’s easy to be distracted from your goals and desires. If you’re like most people, when you’re distracted you end up moving around a lot but never getting much done.

The fastest way to make a big difference in your life, and the lives of people around you, is to begin taking actions that move you in the direction of what makes you feel good. And we believe what makes most of us feel the best is when we are living in harmony with what we value and contributing to others. So discover what you value most and take actions that are in harmony with those values. It’s okay to be happy!

8. Because You Say So

“If you think you can or if you think you can’t, either way you’re right.”

This famous quote by Henry Ford puts it in a nutshell. It speaks to the very essence of why it’s true: if you say it’s so–it is so.

Our thinking can be one of the most fundamental limitations on our ability to be happy–or to be anything else for that matter. Say it out loud–It’s okay for me to be happy!

9. Because It’s Who You Are

We are born from the essence of pure joy; it is our nature to be happy. But somewhere along the line we learn to believe that we must earn the right to be happy–we must be deserving of happiness.

“Each of us, every person, regardless of wealth, status, age, or religion is given everything we need to be happy and fulfilled. The greatest lie in our culture is the one that says you are broken, incomplete and need something outside to give you happiness.” ~Gurucharan Singh Khalsa, Ph.D.

Happiness is our birthright, it is our nature, it is who we are.

10. Because You Can Make a Difference

If you can learn to maintain your personal happiness, regardless of your circumstances, you actually can make a real difference. If the world seems to be falling apart around you and you believe you can’t make any difference at all, then how else would you expect to feel but miserable? And what can you contribute when you’re feeling miserable?

Give up the idea that you–one lone person–can’t make a difference. It’s not true. Just because there are so many things you can’t do anything about, doesn’t mean there aren’t just as many things you can do something about.

Get connected to what means the most to you–what you deeply value. Find ways to experience those values in your life and also when contributing to others. When you do, you will experience making a difference. It’s not just okay to be happy; it’s the best frame of mind for making a difference.

So the next time you feel hopeless about your ability to do anything that could make a difference in the lives of other people who are so far removed from you, remember your suffering helps no one and may be keeping you paralyzed–unable to do anything to support anyone, including yourself.

Don’t Worry, Be Happy

Hopefully you now see how maintaining your own happiness and peace of mind in these troubled times is the best foundation for making a real difference in your life and the lives of those around you.

With much love,
Beth and Neill