Do you wish you had the ability to inspire people into action so they could more easily create greater success and rewarding results? Would you like to know how to foster willing [tag-tec]cooperation[/tag-tec] in ways that everyone enjoys?

Whether you already have good [tag-tec]communication skills[/tag-tec], you’re taking [tag-tec]business communication[/tag-tec] courses and are practicing what you’re learning, or if you realize it’s time to look into new business [tag-tec]communication methods[/tag-tec], this article will help you take your business communication to the next level by learning to create alignment with other people.

What do we mean by alignment, and how can you create it? Read on to find out

Alignment – It’s Not Just for Tires

If you’re like most people, it’s likely that the only time you think about alignment is during your regular car maintenance. While that’s not the “alignment” we’re talking about here, it does operate on the same principle.

In order for your car to function at its best, it’s important that your tires are aligned – that they’re all moving in the same direction. The same is true for any [tag-tec]business relationship[/tag-tec]; they’ll be at their best when the people involved are aligned and moving in the same direction toward a result that is  desired by everyone.

What we’re talking about here is not about improving your communication skills or just learning new [tag-tec]listening techniques[/tag-tec]. Establishing effective business communication, or any interaction where people need to work together to create the best outcome, begins with creating alignment.

Think about it this way: in life, we go about the activity of our lives, heading in our own directions while we’re trying to achieve our own results. At the same time, we are all inter-connected with each other. As we try to achieve the results we want, these interconnections put limits on how far we can go in our direction without the involvement of others.

However, when we have alignment with others about what we want and we start sharing the same vision, it makes it much easier to cooperate with the others involved to get our desired outcomes. Alignment opens the way for mutual satisfaction and greater success.

The First Step is Internal Alignment

Before you can create alignment with someone else, you need to identify and be able to express what’s most important to you about the outcome you want. To do this, you’ll need to identify the underlying [tag-tec]values[/tag-tec] hidden within your desired outcome.

As an example, perhaps your team tends to come lat e to meetings and this impacts your ability to accomplish the objectives of the meeting. So you want everyone in the office to show up 10 minutes before a meeting starts. When you dig down to find the hidden value, you might discover that consideration is very important to you, or you might highly value efficiency and effectiveness. Just remember, within every desired outcome there are values that motivate you to want that in the first place.

Key Points for an Alignment Conversation

Once you identify your own underlying values, it’s time to discover the values that you share within the team, partnership or group. You start this discovery process by expressing the values you’ve identified as important to you in your work environment. Then you ask if those things are also important to the others involved, and if they would be willing to explore ways to create that kind of experience.

As you start the alignment conversation, it’s important to remember to keep it as strategy-free as possible. During this beginning stage, we suggest that you make an agreement with the other person to try and identify what’s important to you about the issue at hand , such as starting meetings on time, before you figure out any strategies to get the specifics of what you want. Once you’ve agreed upon your shared vision, there will be plenty of time to move on to the specifics of how to reach your goals.

It’s also wise if you and the other person, or group, agree to avoid spending time talking about the failures of the past. (Bringing up the past can be useful, but only if it is done to understand the values that may have been missing in the past, but not to assign fault or to justify your skepticism.)

Some other things to include in the alignment conversation include:

• A willingness to negotiate strategies that are mutually agreeable
• A commitment to let go of judgments and criticisms
• An agreement to celebrate all wins that come from this conversation

Putting Alignment Conversations to Work

Alignment conversations are the process of discovering your shared values and creating a shared vision. The [tag-tec]shared vision[/tag-tec] you create might be something like: having a more harmonious working relationships, being more effective, or increasing productivity.

Once you are sharing the same vision, you’re now working toward the same end result — the big picture of what you all want. This will make it easier to create situations that produce results that everyone will enjoy. Once you’ve define your shared vision, you’re ready to effectively [tag-tec]negotiate[/tag-tec] strategies to achieve your desired results.

When everyone is making agreements from a shared vision, you’ll start rolling down the road to cooperation and teamwork with far fewer bumps than you encountered before. Alignment and shared vision are the foundation of cooperation and teamwork that will increase productivity and create rewarding results for everyone involved.

Are there people in your life who drive you crazy?

Do you ever have trouble enjoying the time you spend with certain people–even though you may like or even love them? Are there people in your life who you only spend time with when it’s unavoidable?

Everyone we know has certain people in their lives who drive them a little nuts. Often this prevents them from initiating contact, even if these people are family or long time friends.

So what do you do then?

If you’ve ever asked yourself this question then you may want to try a practice we’ve developed that makes spending time with these people a little more enjoyable. The first part of the practice is to remember that everyone is always doing the best that they possibly can.

They’re doing the best they can?

This may sound a little simplistic or even a bit ridiculous, but this practice really does have the power to radically affect your ability to enjoy yourself with these people. And they don’t need to change a bit for this to happen.

However, embracing this practice is much easier said than done. Whether you have a parent who seems to show constant disapproval, a coworker that never stops talking, a cousin who continuously whines about everything that’s wrong in their life, or whoever it is that does whatever they do — the truth is they REALLY are doing the best they can.

How can we know this is true? Well, think about it for a moment. If they are driving you crazy; do you think other people love this behavior? If you are hesitant to be around them; do you think others are eager to be with them? Do they seem genuinely happy while they’re doing whatever it is that bugs you? Does their behavior seem fun for them or effective at helping them get what they truly want? We tend to doubt it.

So if they knew a better way to relate to people — one that they enjoyed more, that they recognized others enjoyed more, and that was more effective at meeting whatever needs motivate their behavior — don’t you think they’d do it that way instead?

They are just trying (unsuccessfully) to be happier.

The first part of the practice we suggest is to see that everything they do is the result of trying to get their needs met or to experience something they value. The problem is that: 1) they just haven’t learned how to get to the core of what is most important to them, and 2) they haven’t yet learned how to behave in ways that help them get what they want.

So, the next time you are with your cousin and he starts complaining and whining about all the problems in his life, first remember he’s doing the best he can. Then, if you want to go a little deeper and have even more fun, you can start applying the second part of the practice, which is playing the Values Guessing Game.

How do you play?

The game is played like this. You start by asking yourself:
“If I was acting like this what would I value that I either want to receive or to contribute in this moment?” Then guess.

Here are a couple of examples.

If your cousin is complaining about his woes in life, and then you ask yourself why you have ever complained to anyone else about anything, you might guess something like, “It sounds like you’d like a little understanding for how hard a time you’re having with this?” Or, “I guess it would be a relief to know that someone cared about how you’re doing these days?” Or maybe, “I wonder if you’d like some support about how to take care of that problem?”

You see, he would probably value the relief he’d get from some understanding, caring, and support. This isn’t mind reading; it’s a guessing game that you play so you can have more fun in the conversation

What if you hear that your mother disapproves of how you’re managing your love life? You ask yourself why you ever offered relationship advice to one of your friends, and then you might guess, “It sounds like you care about me and it’s important to you that I have a happy and successful relationship?” You see, she probably cares and just wants to contribute to you and her disapproving words are the best way she knows how to help you be happy and successful in your relationships.

Being Right or Being Happy?

The guessing game is not about trying to be right;  it’s about trying to connect with them. They’ll let you know whether or not your guess is accurate. And either way they’ll most likely have something else to say, which is just another opportunity to play. And this is not about trying to change the other person; it’s about trying to enjoy yourself more.

We know this may not be the most enjoyable way for you to hear a request for caring and support from someone in need or to receive help for improving your love life. Even so, you’ll be amazed at what can happen when you stop wanting the people in your life to be different than they are, start to recognize they’re simply doing the best they can, and then start playing the Values Guessing Game with them.

Give it a try. We guarantee your time with them will immediately start being more fun for you. (And don’t be surprised if they start seeming a little bit different too.)

One Simple Step for Creating Intimacy in All Your [tag-tec]Relationships[/tag-tec]

Everyone has the desire to connect honestly and authentically with themselves and others, but often this is one of the most challenging things to do in our [tag-tec]intimate relationships[/tag-tec], never mind our more casual ones. If small talk is not your thing and you’re ready for deeper more satisfying connections in your relationships, here’s a quick tip to help create the honesty and authenticity you desire.

Think Before You Ask

One of the fastest, easiest ways we know of to improve the quality of your connections is by asking conscious questions. By conscious we mean questions that will result in answers that will be meaningful to you. If you’re looking for deeper connection, never ask questions about trivial issues or ones that you don’t really care about the answer.

To come up with conscious, meaningful questions ask yourself some questions first, such as:

• “What kind of connection do I want with this person?”
• “What kind of conversation would bring us closer together?”
• “What would be interesting for me to learn about this person?”

Knowing clearly what you want is the surest way to get it.

Ask Like You Care and Listen Like It’s Important

Whether you are talking to your mother, best friend, significant other, business customers, your boss, interviewing job candidates, or even talking to strangers at a party, it helps to take the initiative in creating the quality of connection you want and to draw the other person out in ways that are meaningful to you.

So try it today… What do you have to lose? What do you really want to know about the person you’re with? Get conscious. Be honest. Be authentic. Ask questions from your heart and listen with a sincere desire to know more about the person you’re with.

Photo courtesy of  darin11111

The No. 1 Obstacle

Many people say that the No. 1 obstacle when attempting to maintain [tag-tec]marriage intimacy[/tag-tec] and create a healthy, happy relationship is the lack of [tag-tec]good communication skills[/tag-tec].

What do you think? Are you in an intimate relationship? Do you believe it’s essential to have [tag-tec]good communication in your relationship[/tag-tec] in order to create the kind of closeness and connection you want?

If so, here’s a tip that we guarantee will help you do just that.

Start by truly understanding the other person’s point of view. Very often when couples start communicating about a problem or dissatisfaction the first thing they hear from their partner sounds like a criticism or a complaint. This is a critical point in the conversation and very often where the communication begins to break down.

This happens as often as it does because most people think in terms of strategies–what they want and the most effective way they think they can get it. This strategy often takes the form of a complaint–how you could change to help them get what they want or a criticism–what your doing “wrong” that is keeping them from getting what they want.

It’s Not About You

Understanding what someone deeply values or the need they’re trying to meet underneath the criticism or complaint is critical to creating genuinely satisfying relationships. Taking the lead in this area is something that you can do immediately to help improve the quality of your communication and in turn, your entire relationship.

Certainly, one way to find out what’s under their complaint is simply to ask them. It’s a place to start, but it’s not always the most effective way of getting to the truth about what a person really values. As we pointed out above, people often think in terms of their strategies as opposed the value or need that is stimulating the strategy.

If you began a conversation by talking about a problem in the relationship and you ask them what they want about the problem you may hear things like, “I want you to _____” (fill in the blank).

• Spend more time with me
• Stop being such a know-it-all
• Listen when I’m talking, etc

Dig Deep

Clearly, these statements just tell you what they want you to do, not what they value, not what need they’re trying to meet. Getting to the underlying values hidden in these statements may require a little detective work on your part. Don’t just take their answers at face value; dig down beneath the surface to find out what values are at the base of what they want.

As an example, let’s dig under these statements and discover what the person might value that had them say what they did.

• Spend more time with me, is probably stimulated by the longing for more connection or intimacy.
• Stop being such a know-it-all, could be a desire for acknowledgment or appreciation for what they know.
• Listen when I’m talking, might be coming from a wish to be understood clearly.

Once you have an idea about what the other person values and what’s most important to them, many other strategies will become obvious for helping them experience these essential qualities.

And for you, it will be much easier to relate them and want to support them then it would be if all you continue to hear was the criticism or complaints.

The Quality of Your Relationships Equal the Quality of Your Life

Okay, hopefully you’ve had time to practice steps one through five, from part one of 10 Steps that Lead to Better Relationships and a Happier Life. Just in case you missed it see part one here: https://newageselfhelp.com/main/10-steps-that-lead-to-better-relationships-and-a-happier-life-part-one

To recap, steps one through five are…

1. Start identifying what [tag-tec]your values.[/tag-tec]
2. Figure out what it is you “DO” want in your relationships.
3. Stop taking [tag-tec]your relationship[/tag-tec] partner’s judgment and criticisms personally by remembering that they are only trying to meet some need or experience something they value.
4. Offer the gift of your presence and…
5. Help the other person discover what’s most important to them.

Now it’s time to move forward and take step number six.

~ Step Six – Sharing the Vision ~

The next step to [tag-tec]improving your relationships[/tag-tec] is the ability to create a shared vision. Instead of working independently toward your own goal, try finding common goals that you share with your partner.

When you have a shared vision about what you want for the relationship, making agreements and accomplishing results happens much more easily. This step moves you closer to greater success and mutual satisfaction.

~ Step Seven: Line It up ~

Once you’ve identified what you want and value, and you’ve given your presence to your partner and come to an understanding about what they want and value, it’s time to have a very clear, conscious conversation about what you each want to create in your relationship.

Do you want to spend more time together? Do you want to be more appreciative of each other? The alignment conversation is your time to formulate a blueprint for the actions you and your partner agree to take to insure that both of you get what you need.

~ Step Eight:  Take It Easy on Yourself ~

We’ve spent a lot of time talking about the steps you need to take in order to be there for your partner. Throughout the process, it’s also important to take care of yourself.  It’s common for alignment conversations to bring up past pain and resentments as you focus on how to change the present situation. When you start to feel any discomfort, or irritated the conversation may bring up – STOP.  Give yourself a breather and take the time to look at the causes underneath the feelings you are experiencing.

As we mentioned before, everything that everyone says or does is motivated by a value that isn’t being experienced, and this includes the voice inside your head. Figure out what may be stimulating your negative emotions before moving on with the conversation. What need of yours is missing, what value aren’t you experiencing.

~ Step Nine: Learning the [tag-tec]Negotiation[/tag-tec] Dance ~

Once you’ve created an alignment with your partner, you’ll need to make some concrete agreements about how to reach your goals for the relationship. For example, if you both agree that you would like to create more trust, perhaps you’ll create an agreement about checking in with each other when you need more information.

The best way to reach these agreements is through negotiation with your partner. Negotiation is a lot like dancing: you step forward, your partner steps back, you turn around and then you both step forward. Perfecting this dance takes some practice, but once you start actively doing the dance, it will get easier and easier.

~ Step Ten: Believe in the Process~

The last, but certainly not least of the steps is learning to trust the process. In order for these steps to lead you where you want to go and then stay there, it’s imperative that you trust the process. Things may not go exactly as you imagine, but that doesn’t mean that your efforts aren’t making a shift.

Trusting the process means putting the brakes on your cynicism, refusing to give in to futile thoughts that may come up, and have faith that it’s really and actually possible for everyone to be satisfied with the end results.

The easiest way to truly have faith in the process is to become an Explorer. An Explorer has faith that there is something to discover, they have made a pledge to discover it, and they are continually taking action and creating strategies that will fulfill on that pledge.

Well there they are, the 10 Steps that Lead to [tag-tec]Better Relationships[/tag-tec] and a Happier Life. Now don’t stop after reading these steps, make a commitment to take them, practice them and start experiencing those relationships and that life you truly desire.