What is the number one factor that causes a business to succeed or fail?

This common question has been asked by many people. From corporate giants to first-time business owners. And over and over again the number one answer is–people- the people that work there, and the people you do business with. If this is so, then how do you [tag-tec] improve your business[/tag-tec]?

[tag-tec]Improve Your Relationships[/tag-tec].

[tag-tec]The key to improving your relationships with your employees and your customers[/tag-tec] is communication– first, improving the communication with yourself which is what we will discuss in this post and then, improving the communication with your employees, coworkers, and customers, but we’ll leave that part for another post.

Before you can communicate effectively to your employees or customers, you must have a clear, focused intention. This internal communication is what you’ve told yourself about why you’re talking to the other person? What’s important to you about giving this feedback? Why are speaking to this customer? Your employees and customers will sense your intention, whatever it is.

“Leadership is practiced not so much in words as in attitude and in actions.” ~ Harold Geneen

If your intention is to create an environment of clarity, effectiveness, learning and support, how do you think your employee will respond to this intention? If your intention is to create loyal long-term satisfied customers, how do you think your customers will respond. Can you see how a clear, focused intention is easy to convey and hard to resist?

A clear intention encourages open, well-defined, straightforward communication; which, in turn, produces a powerful framework for creating long-term satisfying relationships.

What’s your intention?

Try it out … Any time you’re going to speak with someone at work, first create a clear, focused intention. Ask yourself: “What’s most important to me, about having this conversation, what do I want to create as the outcome?”  Keep your intention in mind as you’re having the conversation and watch your relationships blossom.

until next time… keep a conscious
Beth

Black and White Relationship Skills

No, I’m not talking about ethnicity, I’m talking about simplicity. Whenever I’m looking to improve the quality of a relationship, be more productive, or get through my next AFGO, Occam’s razor always seems to apply. “All other things being equal, the simplest solution is the best.”

In this case, I’m talking about the simplest way to interpret what I’m working on. So, for example let’s say, as is so often the case, I’m working on my ability to hear what other people say in ways that are more enjoyable, more accurate, and produce more of the results that we both want.

Does that sound like something you’d like?

I’ve learned that of the simplest possible ways to hear what people are saying is to figure out if they’re saying “I need” or “I’m grateful.” Put it another way, whenever I can remember, I try to hear whatever people say as either “please” or “thank you.”

Is it Please or Thank You?

Sometimes it’s easy to tell which is which: “Would you take the trash out before we leave?” “That was a great dinner!”

It’s pretty obvious which of these is please and which is thank you. It seems much more challenging if we hear someone blaming, criticizing, or excuse making, using statements like:

• “Idiot! Don’t you know how to drive!”
• “Why are you wasting time on that?”
• “You never keep your promises!”
• “It’s not my fault that …”
• “I forgot to …”

Again, it’s obvious that these are definitely not “thank you,” so they must be “please.” Unfortunately, they are please said in a suicidal way. Suicidal because saying please in these ways is likely to kill the possibility of getting the underlying needs met.

1. Have Need …  2. Take Aim at Foot …  3. Pull Trigger!

The sad thing is, it seems the more important, urgent, or critical the need is, the more likely people will express it in these suicidal ways. Ways that are likely to trigger the heck out of the people they are actually saying please to.

Most reality TV shows are a great place to watch this in action and to practice identifying which times people are saying please and which times they are saying thank you. Whether you use a reality TV show, or your personal relationships for practice, notice how the more hurt and more angry a person is, the more likely they are to express please in the form of blame, criticism, judgment, excuses, etc.

Kind of sad isn’t it?

What’s the Point of Hearing Please or Thank You?

How does hearing please or thank you help me have conversations that are more enjoyable, more accurate, and produce more of the results that we both want? It helps me remember that any form of blame, criticism, judgment, or excuse is the other person expressing a need. And that the more hurt or angry a person sounds the more desperate they are for help, and scared that the need won’t be met.

And if I’m able to hear a person desperately wanting help with their need, I’m much less likely to be triggered by the suicidal way they’re saying please, and much more likely to find in me the compassion to hear their need and to offer my help.

And giving with joy is the most fun game I’ve found to play so far in my life.

What Happens if You Try Hearing Everything as Please or Thank You?

I’d be interested in hearing what you think about listening to people this way. Even more interested in hearing about your experience if you try it.

It occurs to me that some of you might be wondering which bucket you’d put “yes” and “no” in. You might be surprised to hear that I never hear people say “no.” But that’s a different blog post. :~)

Until then …

Committed to Your Success,

Neill Gibson