Would you like to [tag-tec]win every argument [/tag-tec]you ever have?

But, sometimes you hesitate being truthful with others because you fear it will start an [tag-tec]argument[/tag-tec] you just can’t win?

“Avoiding the topic doesn’t help it go away.” ~ Anonymous

How would you feel if you could say what’s on your mind, confidently, even if you’re worried that your listener would disagree?

Here is one simple step that will stop an argument in its tracks…

There are things you can do to make yourself more comfortable saying what needs to be said and preventing an argument at the same time.

Stop thinking about disagreement like it’s an argument waiting to happen.

Once you’re able to interpret disagreement for what it is–a different opinion or strategy–you’ll begin to feel comfortable enough to simply ask for more information.

When people have differing opinions or strategies and they start to feel tense, under the surface they are really only concerned about getting their needs meet. That’s when the tug-of-war begins.

If you spend your time focusing your attention on simply avoiding an argument–or making sure the other person agrees with your opinion or strategy–you will never be able to address the underlying concerns.

Stick with it.

So instead, continue the conversation long enough to identify the underlying needs and values of each person.

If it’s just a matter of opinion, you’ll each understand the other at a much deeper level. If you each prefer a different strategy, work together to come up with mutually satisfying actions you can each take that will create what each of you want.

When you make a commitment to get clear about what everyone wants, you will become far more comfortable speaking your mind, and ultimately this will get you closer to creating a happier and more peaceful life.

The moral of the post… to guarantee that you win every argument you have, make sure no one loses.

With love,
Beth and Neill

Want a Happier More Fulfilling Life?

We’re always on the lookout for ideas about how to live a[tag-tec] happier more fulfilling life [/tag-tec] and what we’ve noticed is that life lessons can come from the most curious places.

Recently, ours neighbors adopted a new puppy. He is the cutest little thing. If you pay attention, dogs can teach you profound[tag-tec] life lessons[/tag-tec] –in addition to the wonderful benefits you would usually expect, like being a loving companion.

What Can Miles Teach You?

Miles is one of the most precocious puppies that we’ve ever known. He’s a beautiful black lab mix with tons of spunky energy. By watching Miles closely, we have learned two important lessons.

The first lesson we have learn from Miles is: Ask for what you want. Too often we find ourselves doing things on our own, even if we could have gotten help from someone else. How many times have you just done something yourself rather than ask if someone is willing to help you? Someone might be very willing to give you what you want.

Miles never seems to hesitate to ask for what he needs, when he needs it. It doesn’t matter if he’s hungry, wants to play, or needs to go outside, he just asks and then he gets what he wants. We do our best to be like Miles. We have even created a habit of asking for least one thing a day–it helps us practice this lesson.

Why is it So Easy for Miles?

The second lesson: As we tried to understand why it is so easy for Miles and so difficult for many people to ask for what we want. We have settled on two important reasons for this difference:

1 – Miles is not worried that he’ll hear the dreaded word “NO.” He simply has no fear at all about this. Funny, but even when he does hear “no,” he seems sure that if he only asks a couple more times, he will eventually get a yes.

On those really rare occasions when he does hear “no” as a final answer, he is able to walk away and move on to the next important activity in his day, without giving it a second thought.

2 – The other important difference between us and Miles is that he doesn’t spend any time worrying about whether he is bothering anyone or what the other person thinks of him for asking. Miles has no investment in other people’s reactions, and he takes on no responsibility for their feelings. If someone doesn’t want to do what he wants, it’s really no big deal. He moves on, without worrying about that person’s opinion of him.

Miles certainly has not spent a lot of time delving into these ideas about himself and others, nor does he seem to have opinions about it one way or another. But, even without having an opinion, he has taught us something critical–ask for what you want, you might just get it. And you’re definitely no worse off than you were before you asked.

Try It Yourself: Ask for What You Want

If at least once every day you can identify one thing you want, and then ask for it, you will find that there are many times you will get exactly what we want. This is a simple way to achieve more than you could on your own, and the perfect way to put into practice the lessons learned from Miles.  If hearing “no” is the worst thing that can happen, why wait.  Start today and, ask away!

So what do you think, can you learn life lessons from a dog? We’d love to hear from you! Let us know by leaving a comment or joining Google friends connect and staying in touch.

until next time, with love,

Beth and Neill

Is Feeling Worried and Being Stressed-Out Tying You in Knots?

Do you lie awake at night, worrying? Does the stress of the day seem to weigh you down and control your mood, your decisions, and your life? If so, surely the amount of stress you deal with is taking its toll on you and those around you, keeping you from living the happy life you deserve. You can start to change this right now by determining the root causes of your stress. This is the first step in down the path to living a more relaxed peaceful life.

Root Cause = Fear of What’s to Come

Being afraid of what could happen in the future is a big stressor for a lot of people. You may be stressed over something as small as whether you remembered to set the timer on the coffee maker for the next morning or over an issue as important as whether peace will ever come to the Middle East.

“When I look back on all these worries I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.” ~Winston Churchill

Every time you stress over something that could possibly happen, or may never happen at all, you let future fear get the best of you. Here are a few red flag phrases you may hear in your head:

• “Do I have enough… savings to survive if I’m laid off at work?”

• “What if… she turns me down?”

• “Is that the right… doctor for my mother?”

• “How will… my children be affected by climate change?”

These thoughts may even be inhibiting your normal sleep pattern, which in turn will cause you more stress. You may soon find yourself in a worrisome cycle where lack of sleep feeds off existing stress, and new stress feeds off lack of sleep.

Root Cause = ‘Shoulda Coulda Woulda’

Another big stress provoker is concentrating on past mistakes. When you can’t forgive yourself for things that have happened in the past, you only fuel your stress.

• “I should have… studied more for that test.”

• “I could have… done something to help.”

• “I would have been… in a better position to pay for my kids’ college if only…”

Of course, a person may have some normal regret about things they would have like to have had happened differently in the past. But, beware of falling into a worry cycle.

How to tell if You’re Caught in the Worry Cycle

Worrying about the past or the future (or both) can throw you into a worry cycle, and thoughts like those above are what will keep you there; they are the underlying source of your stress. When you’re caught in the worry cycle, you quickly become susceptible to anxiety, depression, confusion, and sadness. Stress can overtake your life at this point and you may even become worried about your constant state of worry.
As we said before, it is perfectly normal to think about the future or wish you could take back or change some things in the past; however, it becomes unhealthy when you find yourself thinking about the same subject over and over, and when you feel so strongly about that subject that it affects your mood and even your relationships.
It’s very hard to be happy when you begin to fall into a worry cycle. So be aware that anytime you start to feel uncomfortable and find yourself thinking about something over and over again the cycle has probably begun.

Setting Yourself Free From the Worry Cycle

Just as with any pattern or habit, it will be difficult to break the worry cycle. This is because worrying has become familiar to you at this point and it probably starts without you even being aware you’re doing it. Fortunately, we have some effective strategies that will help you kick this stressful habit forever.

These next three steps will help you create a new habit that will diminish your stress levels almost immediately:

Step One: Be aware of your feelings. Our feelings are indicators of how well our actions are corresponding with what we value. When we feel stressed, scared, sad, or any other related feelings, our emotions signal to us that something we value is lacking in our lives. Learn what these signals feel like so you can correct the situation before you fall into a worry cycle.

Step Two: Find out what you value. In step one, you learned to be aware of your feelings so you’ll know when something you value is lacking. In order to correct the situation, you must know what that value is so you can satisfy it.

Step Three: Do something! You always have options for taking action in a situation. When you take an active role in the situation, you will feel more in control and you’ll have less time to stress.

Determining the root cause of your stress and following these simple steps will support you in taking back control of your mood, your decisions, and your life. Congratulations, you’re well on your way to living a more relaxed and peaceful life.

with love,
Beth and Neill

Self Doubts?

Do you wonder if you are good enough to get what you truly want?  [tag-tec]Low self esteem[/tag-tec] will cause you to doubt yourself, your goals, your actions, and your desires. Finding out what stands in your way is the first step in [tag-tec]building your self esteem [/tag-tec].

Our culture is very focused on using a system of rewards and punishments, consequences that make us behave in certain ways. Because we are worried about being punished, we develop certain strategies and beliefs we think will take care of us, but in actuality these strategies and limiting beliefs can lead to a great deal of self doubt.

Who is the Boss of You?

Worthiness, or unworthiness, is something that is pronounced upon you by you. You are the only one that can deem yourself worthy or unworthy. ~Abraham Hicks

Whenever you decide that you want something new–like a new car–perhaps you’ve noticed that you start seeing that make and model everywhere. This happens because what you focus your attention on grows, and so seeing that car everywhere is normal–it’s just what happens.

Think about wanting something new, like more self esteem. Start by deeming your self worthy. As soon as you do, you will start to notice more opportunities to find yourself “good enough”, “smart enough” “worthy enough” to achieve your greatest goals and desires. But an opportunity is only good if you take it on.

Start Today!

Don’t let your long standing limiting beliefs and your perceived low self confidence control what you can have in your life.

“If you think taking care of yourself is selfish, change your mind. If you don’t, you’re simply ducking your responsibilities.” ~ Ann Richards

Start today! Identify the beliefs that are limiting you and focus your attention instead on actions you can take to achieving your goals and desires.[tag-tec] Building your self confidence [/tag-tec]will take practice, but once you start you will begin creating the life you truly want.

With confidence in your ability to succeed,
Beth and Neill