Nov 12

The Games People Play: Being Right vs. Being Happy – Part Two

Tag: * Top Rated,Happiness,Personal Growth,Stress ReliefBeth Banning @ 6:21 pm

Ready to Play a New Game?


In part one, we asked you to spend some time paying attention to your thinking. If you did that exercise you probably noticed that sometimes when things aren’t going the way you want them to you end up looking for who’s right and who’s wrong in this situation. Did you also notice how often you think about what you don’t want instead of what you do want?

Great, because in order to end the cycle of discomfort, confusion and pain that comes from playing this [tag-tec]blame game[/tag-tec], it’s essential to begin by getting conscious of the game and your part in it.

Ending the Cycle

Breaking free from this cycle starts when you learn how to identify what you DO want, instead of focusing on being right and what you don’t want. Focusing on what you do want helps you to escape this cycle,[tag-tec be happy] be happier[/tag-tec] and have a more peaceful life.

Of course, deciding to stop playing this “Right/Wrong Game” and starting to feel better is a little more difficult than just putting a game board back in the box. You need to develop the skills and strategies that help you recognize the cycle and avoid it before it takes over.

Here’s a three-step plan that you can use immediately to help you play a new and more rewarding game.

Step One: Use Your Feelings as Your Guidance System

Remember how the “Right/Wrong Game” causes tension and anger? There is a good reason for these feelings. Uncomfortable feelings are like a danger signal in your emotional guidance system. The danger signal blinks when something you value deeply is missing. If you feel discomfort, you know it’s time to change the game to “What’s Missing”.

Step Two: Realize What’s Most Important to You

If you keep focusing on what you don’t want, you can’t focus on what you do want. You need to identify what it is that you do want in a given circumstance–what’s missing in the situation that you deeply value.

The next time you hear yourself thinking about what it is that you don’t want, such as “I hate it when people don’t tell me the truth!”–slow down and consider why this is important to you. Maybe it has to do with experiencing trust or honesty–maybe what you DO want is trust.

How about if you catch yourself feeling angry and frustrated? You hear yourself thinking, “Nobody who really cared about me would act like that!” So what’s most important to you then is probably being cared for and you being considered. Your “do want” then is to experience caring and consideration.

Realizing what’s most important to you, is the only way that you can figure out how to get it.

Step Three: Go For It!

Now that you realize what’s most important to you a situation and translated it into what you do want, you can take the next step. Stay focused on specific actions you can take or things you can say in the situation to help create more of what you want.

Remember, focusing on what you don’t want is a trap, so stay away from it. If you want consideration, do something that will create consideration. If you want trust, say something that will create some trust.

A small action might feel insignificant but even the smallest step toward your new goal is better than getting stuck in that uncomfortable who’s right who’s wrong cycle.

Being in action will help your tension and anger release! As you work towards the things that will really bring you happiness, you’ll find you don’t want to play the “Blame Game” anymore. Taking action will help you realize that less stress and greater happiness is the best game in town!

6 Responses to “The Games People Play: Being Right vs. Being Happy – Part Two”

  1. Florin says:

    being happy beats the hell out of being right. I quite fun letting people to be right and do whatever they do convince you that they’re right and you’re wrong. In the end it doesn’t matter what’s right or wrong. It’s all the same :):p

    • Beth Banning says:

      So true Florin… If we can stand in that place of knowing that we are all just trying to take care of ourselves the best way we know how, then we can know It’s all the same and so are we. :o)

  2. Chrissy says:

    Between my husband and I, it’s like a game someone has to be right. And either way we are not happy… we have needed to change as we are too competitive with eachother. I’ve been reading a lot about spirituality that has helped, as I am a self help kind of girl. I’ve been reading, “Decoding The Spiritual Messages of Everyday Life” by Dr. Paul DeBell. One of the things that stuck with me, If you learned something, then someone else can benefit from your explaining it. My husband learns something and he has to explain it to me to help me understand. I’ve learned so much from him, and never knew these were Spiritual messages.

  3. Kim says:

    Games People Play–Part 1&2 are so on target. It is amazing how people become tangled in situations which breed anger, frustration & create a zip of negative energy that radiates from them toward others. Once you allow yourself to react in a finger pointg situation it is so easy to continue the practice when an opportunity arises. It is a very bad habit & we do not realize we are doing it. It has been a number of yrs now for me since I refuse to go to that place. As soon as my body begins to tense up, my brow frowns & my spirit begins to sink down…I know it is time to walk away & not become involved. It is not worth it. I try to always have since of peace & understanding in me. It all has to do with how the situation makes me feel & I know I cannot change anyone other than myself, that is the only thing I have control over….me. Thank you Neill & Beth I will continue to read your posts…they touch in the small crevices of lives that can be missed.