Got Stress in your [tag-tec]Relationship[/tag-tec]?

Do you want to relieve some of the [tag-tec]stress and tension in your relationships[/tag-tec]? If so… Learn the difference between reacting to a situation and responding to it. You might ask, why would this make any difference to me ?

Reacting versus Responding

We say this over and over again, the shortest path to a happy life is found through conscious choice. Almost every time I find myself upset, frustrated, or confused about my relationships, if I look close enough, I always discover that I’m reacting unconsciously to something that’s happening in the situation. This unconscious reaction has become a habitual pattern–created from my old negative limiting beliefs. When I discovered that over 50% of all my stress and tension came from the fact that I was reacting rather than responding in situations I was able to start down the path to creating more [tag-tec]happy, healthy satisfying relationships[/tag-tec].

So what’s the difference between reacting in responding…

In the Art of Conscious Connection eCourse, we define reacting, re-enacting past behavior based on my habitual patterns and limiting beliefs, opposed to responding–which we define as, the ability to take respon-sibility for what occurs and make conscious choices about what to do and how we want to act.

How do you begin taking respon-sibility?

The first and easiest step to start practicing responding rather than reacting is to notice how you feel–am I tense, uncomfortable, irritated… As soon as you notice any emotion that is less than enjoyable, STOP and ask yourself these questions: “Am I about to do or say something that I might regret? Is there something I want to consciously do or say in the situation that is different than I was about to do?

You might be surprised at how differently things start to go in your relationships.

As Einstein said, the definition of Insanity is, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Until next time…

with love and a commitment to your happiness

Beth

Does it ever seem like no matter how fast you pedal you can’t get ahead of the curve? That your list of to-do’s piles up faster than you can get them done?

One of the best way to relieve stress is take the focus off yourself by volunteering to do something for someone else. Sometimes just doing one thing for someone else, purely from a place of generosity, can give you a sense of satisfaction and the joy of accomplishment that you can’t get just checking things off your own list of things to do.

It’s a fact that people feel better when they take the time to contribute to others. One recent study found that almost half of the people who perform volunteer work felt less depressed when they were volunteering. And the number climbed to over 70% when the person volunteering was using their professional experience or was volunteering in an area in which they had a strong personal interest.

If volunteering to lend your support at a homeless shelter isn’t your cup of tea, then what about helping adults learn to read, or becoming a Big Brother or Sister. Maybe it’s just helping a political candidate that you believe in. If you can’t think of anything, try this link:

www.VolunteerMatch.org/

There are a lot of different ways you can take the focus off yourself and the overwhelm of your life. First it helps to figure out what’s important to you, what you care about, or some area where you’d like to make a difference.

The point is that human beings have a fundamental desire to contribute to other people’s well-being. I believe this is genetically hardwired in us. But even if it isn’t, I’ve never seen anyone happier than when they’ve been able to joyfully contribute to another person’s well-being.

So try thinking of a way that you could lend a helping hand to someone where you could do it with the same spirit that a child has when they feed bread to hungry ducks in the pond at the park. The joy of giving is a sure-fire way to get a real sense of relief from the stress in your life.

Until next time… Committed to success,

Neill

How do you deal with disappointment, pain, rejection, and the grief that these can bring?

A friend and I were talking today about this. She just called it quits with the man she was seeing and we were discussing the different ways people deal with these issues.

At one point in the conversation, I had said to her that spending time in pain is a choice. And frankly, I don’t quite get the appeal.

If I understood her correctly, I believe spending time in the pain surrounding the end of this relationship helps brings her to new depths of clarity. This clarity then allows her to move forward from that pain. So for her, the pain of disappointment, rejection and grief can be a gift that moves her forward.

For me, and–I am admittedly very cerebral–my process is acknowledging my pain, choosing to focus on uncovering the thinking causing the pain, identifying what was missing for me in the situation that caused my dissatisfaction, and then coming up with strategies that help me focus on the happiness and pleasure in my life. This is what helps me move forward. The pain of disappointment, rejection and grief can be a gift.

We both do our best to consciously move towards the gift that the pain is offering.

I’m positive there is not one “right” way. What I do know is that I often see other people spending time with their pain–delving deeply into it–but seemingly never really moving forward from it.

Coleman Barks in his book, The Soul of Rumi, said: “There is a shedding that’s healing, that makes us more alive, a grieving required to enter the region of unconditional love.

“The heat in the oven cooks us to a loaf that’s tasty and nourishing for the community. Rumi is always affirmative about grief and disappointment, mad with the YES inside all the no’s.

“Rumi eats grief and the shadow and metabolizes them into his bewildered, surrendered self, then tries to live simply and generously from there.

“Rumi said: ‘I’ve broken through to longing now, filled with a grief I have felt before, but never like this.'”

I believe the difference is being conscious about your intention.

What do you think?

With Love,
Beth

You find out more about Coleman Barks and his book, The Soul of Rumi, by going to his website at: http://www.colemanbarks.com

This Weeks Relationship Advice Tidbit

Are you enjoying all your relationships? How would you like some relationship advice that is guaranteed to Help.

We believe the quality of our life is created by the quality of our relationships. Think about it, unless you’ve chosen the life of a solitary monk living in a cave, your life is filled with one relationship after another. Your family and friends, the people you work with, the person that delivers your mail. Even all those momentary relationships you have with salespeople, servers and restaurants, and the clerk in the grocery store. The list goes on and on.

How much more wonderful would your life be, if each time you interacted with another person you both left feeling satisfied?

Are there any you would like to improve? Are you enjoying the relationships you have with your all your family and friends, what about your boss, colleagues or employees. How is your relationship going with your kids?

The Gift Of Presence

If you want to improve, enrich and strengthen your relationships, we suggest the very first step is learning to give the gift of presence. Now, we don’t mean anniversary, birthday or Christmas presents…  The presence that we’re talking about is the gift of listening to the other person without thinking about yourself at all.

“If you want to be listened to, you should put in time listening.” ~Marge Piercy

Being present for another person doesn’t mean just hearing their words without you talking. It involves you putting your self aside for a moment so that you can really hear what’s important to the other person. When you give the gift of presence, you’re not only demonstrating to the other person that you care about them, you’re also opening the only door to discovering solutions that will be satisfying for everyone.

So next time you notice yourself starting to defend your position, believing you’re right, thinking that the other person is wrong, or giving the other person advice about how to change, STOP… and try giving the gift of presence. What if you got to lose, except maybe a whole bunch of stress, frustration, and pain.

If you’d like to discover other related relationship advice articles, you can start by reading: “Are You Playing Together So That Everyone Has Fun?” http://www.focusedattention.com/articles/Relationship-Advice-Are-You-Playing-Together-So-That-Everyone-Has-Fun.htm?blog

Committed to your success,
Beth

What is the number one factor that causes a business to succeed or fail?

This common question has been asked by many people. From corporate giants to first-time business owners. And over and over again the number one answer is–people- the people that work there, and the people you do business with. If this is so, then how do you [tag-tec] improve your business[/tag-tec]?

[tag-tec]Improve Your Relationships[/tag-tec].

[tag-tec]The key to improving your relationships with your employees and your customers[/tag-tec] is communication– first, improving the communication with yourself which is what we will discuss in this post and then, improving the communication with your employees, coworkers, and customers, but we’ll leave that part for another post.

Before you can communicate effectively to your employees or customers, you must have a clear, focused intention. This internal communication is what you’ve told yourself about why you’re talking to the other person? What’s important to you about giving this feedback? Why are speaking to this customer? Your employees and customers will sense your intention, whatever it is.

“Leadership is practiced not so much in words as in attitude and in actions.” ~ Harold Geneen

If your intention is to create an environment of clarity, effectiveness, learning and support, how do you think your employee will respond to this intention? If your intention is to create loyal long-term satisfied customers, how do you think your customers will respond. Can you see how a clear, focused intention is easy to convey and hard to resist?

A clear intention encourages open, well-defined, straightforward communication; which, in turn, produces a powerful framework for creating long-term satisfying relationships.

What’s your intention?

Try it out … Any time you’re going to speak with someone at work, first create a clear, focused intention. Ask yourself: “What’s most important to me, about having this conversation, what do I want to create as the outcome?”  Keep your intention in mind as you’re having the conversation and watch your relationships blossom.

until next time… keep a conscious
Beth