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Divorce Recovery: Survival and Support Tips

Tag: Dealing with DivorceBeth and Neill

What to Do Now?

During traumatic times in your life, everything can seem completely out of control. Everything that you always thought was “normal” gets called into question. It’s hard to know what to do, what is right, where to turn. Going through a divorce is considered to be one of the greatest life stresses anyone must endure. Those who are trying to recover are often left wondering how to heal a broken heart, in addition to any other problems like finances, children, jobs, or other responsibilities.

Being able to survive a divorce-and even come out stronger than before-is possible. Even if you were the partner initiating the divorce proceedings, it’s hard to come to terms with it. But, you can actually recreate your life into one that meets your needs and may even exceed your expectations. Here are five tips to get you pointed in the right direction for [tag-tec]divorce recovery[/tag-tec].

Survival and Recovery Tips:

1. Take care of yourself-In order to take care of your business, whether that means your children, your finances, or your job, you will need to take care of yourself first. Without keeping yourself together, you won’t be any good to anyone else.

2. Take time to feel good-Including pleasure in your life is important, not only during times of high stress, but always. Everyone needs to treat themselves now and then. Be sure to continue doing things you enjoy, or find some new things you like. Some people find that making a wish list of 10 things they love doing and then 10 things they would like to try keeps them moving forward.

3. Seek comfort from others-Going through a divorce process can leave a person feel extremely lonely. Remember that you can always count on yourself, and you will need to do this more and more to get through. Finding out that you are your own best friend can be incredibly empowering. This is an opportunity to reflect and identify what is most important to you. Once you understand these values, you will be better equipped to deal with the difficult feelings that you are faced with.

Divorce might mean the loss of something you might have dreamed of, and you might be judging yourself as a failure. But soon you will learn to search deeper within those feelings and find yourself and make your life what you need and want it to be. Divorce support is often only a phone call away, from either a caring friend or a professional counselor.

4. What lies ahead?-A fast recovery from a divorce requires careful planning for the future. When you can start imagining and visualizing what your life will look like, and create a clear view of what you need to get from life, you will be able to take the next steps. When you focus your attention on your goals, they have a tendency to materialize.

5. Miracles can happen-Sometimes when we are at our lowest points, miracles can occur. As you examine your life, look for the little things that you might have taken for granted before. Despite the fact that you may be surrounded by chaos, take every chance you can to enjoy a peaceful moment, a sunset, a favorite television show, or a quiet game with your kids. It’s time to reconnect with friends, lose weight, or pick up a new hobby! Appreciating all the things you do have in your life is definitely an important step in the divorce recovery process.

With love,
Beth and Neill


Communication Skills are Not Just About Talking

Tag: Communication,Personal GrowthBeth and Neill

A Gift That Keeps on Giving The gift of listening

With the gift giving season fast approaching, we want to tell you about a gift you can give to anyone you’re in a relationship with.

Are you having [tag-tec]communication problems[/tag-tec] in any of your relationships-at work, at home, or with friends? Do you ever wish there was something you could give to someone that would improve your relationship? Would you be surprised to learn there really is such a gift?

If you want to strengthen, enhance, and grow your relationships, the best gift you can give is the gift of presence. Now, we’re not talking about anniversary, birthday, or Christmas presents … The presence we mean is the gift of listening to the other person without thinking about yourself at all.

“If you want to be listened to, you should put in time listening.”
~ Marge Piercy

Being present for another person doesn’t just mean listening to them without speaking. It requires that you really put yourself and your desires aside for the moment so you can fully hear what they have to say. When you give the gift of presence, you’re not only showing other people that you appreciate and support them, you’re also opening the door to discovering what’s really important to them-the hidden values underneath their words.

This week, identify one thing you can do in relation to this awareness and take action. Remember, the shortest path to a happy life is found through conscious choice.

With love, or
Beth and Neill


The Number One Roadblock to High Self-Esteem

Tag: Personal Growth,Self EsteemBeth and Neill

Are your thoughts blocking your way?

Are you ever concerned that you’re not good enough or not smart enough, or that you simply don’t have what it takes to get what you want in life? Do you ever wonder why you feel this way or why these thoughts pop into your head as often as they do?

These thoughts are caused by what we call limiting beliefs and are the effect of how we interpreted unpleasant experiences from our past. Unfortunately, each limiting belief that we adopt throughout our lives becomes road blocks and keep us from achieving the results we want.

“There is only one cause of unhappiness: the false beliefs you have in your head, beliefs so widespread, so commonly held, that it never occurs to you to question them.”
~Anthony de Mello

Open road ahead

There is a way to use these limiting beliefs to your benefit. Turned them from road blocks that keep you from getting to where you want to go into warning lights that assure a safe and pleasant ride. You can do this by becoming aware of how you feel. The trick is to turn any feelings of discomfort into a flashing red light. When you feel uncomfortable in any way, stop what you’re doing and identify the thoughts in your head-these are your limiting beliefs.

Once you have identified these limiting beliefs, you will be able to uncover the truth that is buried within them-what’s most important to you or the thing you value that is missing from the situation. Once you start practicing this, you’ll begin to transform your actions from habitual to conscious.

And as we Always say… the shortest path to a happy life is found through conscious choice.

With love,
Beth


Want Happiness? Seek Out Good News!

Tag: Happiness,Personal GrowthBeth and Neill

The good news is…

I’m on a lot of e-mail lists. Lists that offer information about personal growth, spiritual development, Internet marketing, and the list goes on and on. I’m on these lists because I am a lifelong learner. They provide me with insights, understandings, good information, and opportunities for growth and development in different areas of my life.

I’ve been receiving one particular e-mail from a organization called CharityFocus and I would love to share it with you. What this organization offers me is inspiration and we could all definitely use more of that. They do this by finding good news–people and organizations working to uplift and contribute to others.

You can sign up for their daily good news newsletter today by going to: http://www.dailygood.org

Here’s a little tidbit from their last e-mail

No one has yet fully realized the wealth of sympathy, kindness and generosity hidden in the soul of a child. The effort of every true education should be to unlock that treasure. –Emma Goldman

Kids Embrace The Giving Spirit:

The very rich and the very famous capture the headlines for their charitable giving. But another group of avid philanthropists is also leaving its mark. Young people from grade school on are engaged as never before in making a direct difference in the world. They are donating via the Internet to favorite projects overseas, creating their own nonprofits to pursue social causes, and becoming grantmakers on foundation boards to foster change in their home communities. Some youths have gained that awareness from volunteer activities. Many have seen celebrities take up worthy causes. Others have traveled with their families and encountered the challenges many children face in other countries. This article from the Christian Science Monitor read more at:http://www.csmonitor.com/2008/1124/p13s01-wmgn.html

Be The Change:
As the holiday season approaches, help introduce a child to the joy of giving.

Trust me, if you want to bring more happiness into your life, seek out good news.  One simple way to do this is by signing up for the dailygood.org newsletter and bring the gift of good news into your life.

With love,
Beth


Dealing with Difficult People? Learn to Handle them in a Constructive Way

How Do You Deal?

Do you end up [tag-tec]dealing with difficult people[/tag-tec] on a regular basis? If so, are there times when you want to just run in hide, or click your heels and make them disappear? Or are you the kind of person that gets angry and combative right back at them? Either way, these situations can be very stressful. But don’t worry…

The good news is that there are ways to deal with these people that are much less stressful and you’ll also end up feeling much more satisfied with the outcome.

Believe it or not, some people don’t let these kinds of situations bother them. They simply stay calm and stress-free when confronted with upset and anger. Wouldn’t it be nice to know what they know? Well now you can! Here are a few simple tips that will help you breathe a sigh of leave the next time you end up dealing with an angry person.

Often times when we realize someone is upset the first thing we do is take personal responsibility. We believe that the only reason they’d be disturb–and letting us about it–is that it must be about us. The first thing to understand is that when managing these kinds of situations is that it’s not about you, it’s really all about them!

I can guess what you’re probably thinking: “What you mean don’t take it personally, when there are someone screaming at me and telling me it’s my fault!”

I understand how difficult this will be at first, but when you begin to appreciate this one point, it becomes much easier to avoid taking these things personally: Every statement you hear someone say comes from a deep and inherent desire to satisfy their needs or to support something they value. And you most likely do the same thing – its normal human behavior.

Unquestionably Everything stems from either Needs and Values.

As an example, someone who is upset may just have a need for consideration, or they might in reality value dependability. By getting upset, they are attempting to satisfy these needs or honor what they value.

Let’s say that an angry man has a conversation with Gandhi (while he was alive). And he said to Gandhi, “You’ve never had a difficult life so don’t pretend to you know what suffering is. People wait on you hand and foot! You’re such a phony!”

Can you imagine Gandhi responding to this as some people would– defensively, with anger and critical words? “What do you mean phony? Try doing what I do every day… you wouldn’t last a minute. You an ignorant little man– you probably don’t even work for a living!”

Now I’m sure you can imagine where this conversation would end up!

It’s almost impossible to think of Gandhi reacting this way, but why not ? What does he know that most of us don’t?

Gandhi knows that the man upset stems from his own challenging life and is just venting about his own pain. The man is angry because his needs have not been satisfied, and things in his life are out of harmony with his values.

So, from now on, when confronted with difficult people, try to remind yourself that absolutely everything people say or do is an effort to meet their needs or support something they value.

The next you’ll are in one of these uncomfortable situation–STOP–don’t justifying yourself, instead start by reminding yourself that their anger isn’t about you, it’s about them and their situation.

Don’t take it to personally.

Consider this: Do you want your happiness to be dependent upon others, or do you long for the kind of happiness that you have complete control over? Take charge of the situation by aligning your values with the actions you take.

Another great way to stay calm when dealing with others’ who are upset or angry is to be curiosity. Ask questions such as, “Hmm, they seems very tense and upset. I wonder what’s going on in their life that has them feel this way.”

Stop and take a if you minutes to empathize with their circumstances and think, “If I behaved the way they’re behaving toward me, what could possibly be going on in my life?” Then guess what it could be.

Changing your focus of attention in this way can truly set you free. You’ll stop acting or feeling defensive. This focus will lead you to a much more peaceful place and will help you to fill your life with happiness, and a multitude of satisfying relationships you’ll truly enjoy.

“Setting an example is not the main means of influencing others; it is the only means.”
~ Albert Einstein

Let’s review: – Tension and defensiveness isn’t the only way to deal with difficult people. – everything people say or do is in support of something they value or to meet some need. – Their upset is not about you, don’t take it personally. Take on the attitude of being curious. – Your happiness is not dependent on how others act or what they say.

When dealing with difficult people, this approach will help you open the door to a renewed sense of happiness and freedom you will no longer be restricted by your circumstances. You get to choose how you respond and what actions you will take.

If you want to start interacting differently with people who are upset, you must first practice the essential skills that create a more peaceful, happy life. If you’re ready to create that kind of life now, sign up for our thought-provoking and motivational Weekly Action Tips eMail series. The sign-up form is at the top right hand side of your screen. Don’t wait, sign up today. You’ll be happy you did.

With love and great appreciation,
Beth


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