Have you ever wished that your relationship partner was less jealous, more interested, or more encouraging or supportive? Do you find yourself thinking that your relationship would be so much better “if only” your partner would change in some way?
Sometimes it’s difficult to identify the “real” problems in our relationships. We are taught to believe that we can measure how much someone loves us based on what they do and say-and if what they do and say doesn’t match our expectations, then their love doesn’t measure up.
I Would Be Happy If only…
This leads people to “test” their relationships using ideas like, “If they truly loved me, then they would…..talk to me more, spend more time listening, take me (someplace), or buy me (something).” How about, “If they truly loved me, then they would NOT (complain so much, criticize me, interrupt me, walk away, spend so much time on a hobby, etc……”
These “measurements” are not really the best ways to evaluate or prove the quality of your relationships. When we expect people to pass these types of “tests” of our relationships, we are inevitably disappointed.
They cause us to spend too much time focusing our attention on the negative aspects of the relationship, instead of focusing our attention on what we enjoy about it.
“The surest hindrance of success is to have too high a standard of refinement in our own minds, or too high an opinion of the judgment of the public. He who is determined not to be satisfied with anything short of perfection will never do anything to please himself or others.” ~ Hazlitt
It’s for You to Do
Remember that what you focus your attention on is what grows and becomes reality. So start focusing your attention on what you DO like about your relationship partner, and you will start seeing–and getting–far more of what you DO like and far less of what you DON’T.
When you start focusing your attention on what you DO like it’s almost automatic that you’ll start to give what you want to receive, and you will get more of it back. So, if you want to get more support from your relationship for example, then you must begin by giving more support.
If you want some help putting this powerful practice to work improving your relationships, sign up for The Shocking Truth About Loving eMail eCourse.
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