Do You Play the Blame Game?
Do you ever hear yourself say things like: “They were so rude”, “He is so selfish”, or “She’s such a control freak.” What about when you’re driving and some one cuts you off… is “What an idiot, jerk, lousy driver” the first thing out of your month? If any of this sounds familiar then you’re playing a game that no one ever wins. It’s called “The Blame Game”.
When you focus on negative labels about what people “are” (demanding, controlling, manipulative) it’s certain that no one will end up happy or satisfied with the interaction. And what makes these situations even worse is that focusing on what people “are” prevents you from taking control because you’re giving way all of your personal power.
When you label people you place the full responsibility for improving matters on them. If you believe that you’re unhappy because they “are” selfish or unreasonable then your problems cannot be resolved until they change their ways. This blame game prevents you from overcoming your hurt feelings and can lead to serious relationship problems.
But you can take back responsibility for your own happiness. The first step in reclaiming control is to release the idea that other people are causing your emotional pain. When you realize that it’s your thinking about people using negative labels that is causing you to feel bad you’ve taken your first step forward.
Letting go of these negative labels allows you to focus on what you “do want” in each situation. You can then ask yourself what is needed to create an outcome that would satisfy everyone involved.
When you know what you want you can begin looking at these situations as opportunities to explore ways of meeting everyone’s needs and re-establishing or creating a healthy relationship with others and yourself.
Try This Tomorrow
Any time you hear yourself blaming someone or complaining about circumstances in your life, figure out what is needed to create an outcome that would satisfy everyone involved and then identify at least one action you can take or a request you can make that will improve your situation.
Remember, the shortest path to a happy life is found through conscious choice.
Beth and Neill
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