Re-Establishing Trust in Your Relationship
(The following is Part 2 of our response to a question we received. To the best of our ability we removed all personally identifying information and have made the situation as generic as possible.)
We assume you have read part one of this response in the previous blog post. We also hope you have taken the opportunity to read the article we suggested near the end of that post. Part one concluded with the importance of establishing trust in your ability to take care yourself in this kind of situation, whether or not you choose to stay with your spouse.
If you choose to move forward in the relationship, then it will be important to establish more openness and honesty with your spouse. It can be quite challenging to reestablish trust with the spouse who has lied about something as important as drug use, and overcoming these issues can take quite a while. So we recommend you only undertake this journey if you trust your ability to take care of yourself along the way.
But, no matter how much you trust yourself, you cannot reestablish trust with your spouse on your own. Your spouse has to want this too. As the saying goes: It takes two to tango. It will take cooperation from both of you to get your relationship back on track.
We have an article that offers advice about how to establish this kind of [tag-tec]cooperation[tag-tec]. And most importantly, it does it in a way that can free you from judgment, blame, fear, and shame that you and your spouse may feel toward each other in this situation.
Following the steps in this article can help you start to reestablish the trust has been lost. It will help you figure out what each of you wants from your relationship and what each of you are willing to do to resolve your current relationship troubles. The title of the article is: 5 Keys for Creating Genuine Cooperation in All Your Relationships
You can the process described in this article to come to agreement about what you want to create in your relationship together, and then make specific agreements to work together to create it. Practicing genuine cooperation is the best way we know to build trust in relationship.
Getting Help for the Journey Ahead
If you both agree that you want to work together to resolve these trust issues and improve your relationship, then we suggest you seek the support of someone with relationship counseling skills that you trust. This help can be very important in keeping you on track as make progress regaining the trust you’ve lost in your relationship.
You may be able to find someone with these skills by asking your friends, coworkers, or your spiritual counselors to suggest someone they trust. You may already know someone who is fair, impartial, and has the wisdom to provide the guidance you need. But regardless of how you choose to find them, we strongly suggest that you get this support.
Whatever you choose to do next, we hope you are able to do it with compassion for yourself and for your spouse.
We hope this has helped in some small way. We would enjoy hearing from you if it has.
Committed to supporting your happiness,
Beth and Neill