How do you deal with disappointment, pain, rejection, and the grief that these can bring?
A friend and I were talking today about this. She just called it quits with the man she was seeing and we were discussing the different ways people deal with these issues.
At one point in the conversation, I had said to her that spending time in pain is a choice. And frankly, I don’t quite get the appeal.
If I understood her correctly, I believe spending time in the pain surrounding the end of this relationship helps brings her to new depths of clarity. This clarity then allows her to move forward from that pain. So for her, the pain of disappointment, rejection and grief can be a gift that moves her forward.
For me, and–I am admittedly very cerebral–my process is acknowledging my pain, choosing to focus on uncovering the thinking causing the pain, identifying what was missing for me in the situation that caused my dissatisfaction, and then coming up with strategies that help me focus on the happiness and pleasure in my life. This is what helps me move forward. The pain of disappointment, rejection and grief can be a gift.
We both do our best to consciously move towards the gift that the pain is offering.
I’m positive there is not one “right” way. What I do know is that I often see other people spending time with their pain–delving deeply into it–but seemingly never really moving forward from it.
Coleman Barks in his book, The Soul of Rumi, said: “There is a shedding that’s healing, that makes us more alive, a grieving required to enter the region of unconditional love.
“The heat in the oven cooks us to a loaf that’s tasty and nourishing for the community. Rumi is always affirmative about grief and disappointment, mad with the YES inside all the no’s.
“Rumi eats grief and the shadow and metabolizes them into his bewildered, surrendered self, then tries to live simply and generously from there.
“Rumi said: ‘I’ve broken through to longing now, filled with a grief I have felt before, but never like this.'”
I believe the difference is being conscious about your intention.
What do you think?
You find out more about Coleman Barks and his book, The Soul of Rumi, by going to his website at: http://www.colemanbarks.com